STFU Parents: 6 Things Parents Should Avoid Posting About On Facebook This Summer

While much of the country tends to slow down during the summer months, my inbox tends to ramp up. The kids are out of school, which means that many parents, especially stay-at-home parents, are spending much more quality time with their little ones. And with that quality time comes Facebook updates about all things summer. A lot of these updates include adorable pictures of toddlers in swim suits or older kids participating in swim meets, but some of them include information that people just don’t care to know. After all, you won’t catch me posting about sitting in my underwear on the couch with my feet in a bucket of ice water. I just let my friends assume such things. Not everything needs to get documented and Instagrammed, but according to some parents on Facebook, that’s precisely the opposite of the truth.

Today’s examples are a mere glimpse into the world of summertime parent overshare, but there’s much to be learned from them. Namely, don’t let yourself post about this stuff. Each year, I receive similar submissions across several genres (pool time, potty time, snack time), and that tells me these subjects are common fodder. Which is all well and good when they’re discussed around the kiddie pool, but on social media? No thanks. Parents, this summer when you’re making memories with your children, consider leaving your phones at home. Here are six things to avoid posting about as you watch little Jaeydden practice his belly flops in the shallow end.

1. Complaints About The Ice Cream Man

Every year, parents complain about the ice cream man — a man whose sole purpose from May through August is to shuttle delicious ice cream around to neighborhood kids. Sure, ice cream truck songs are irritating and get stuck in your head for hours, but the ice cream man is just working a job like any other person. This year, try being grateful for his omnipresence despite your grievances, because it’s a hell of a lot better to be stuck inside with cranky children than it is to be behind the wheel of a scorching hot ice cream shop on wheels. If you don’t believe me, just try it! And in the meantime, don’t yell at the poor guys or threaten to blow them up.

2. Bragging

It’s submissions like this that take me back to my column about whether being a stay-at-home mom is a job. Yes, it’s work to keep your kids entertained every day, but a life lived at the pool, water park, and the bowling alley isn’t so rough, as demonstrated by Michelle’s “friendly” and somewhat sanctimonious updates about her daily “office.” This summer, try not to be a douche.

3. Pictures Like This

This summer, if you are fortunate to get to the beach with your children, try not to post pictures of them looking cute next to a lighter and a pack of Marlboros. There’s nothing wrong with an adult making the personal decision to light up, but advertising your habit in pictures of your kids might not be the classiest move.

4. Summertime Browns, Er, Blues

Being around your kids all day in the summer will inevitably lead to some mishaps, and some of those mishaps may include projectile poop. As much as I love a good literal joke, this picture should not have made it to Facebook. And if a friend tried to show it to me over lunch, I’d probably throw my iced coffee at her.

5. Sweet Treats That Came From You

Women produce breast milk, which can then be made into breast milk ice cream. No surprises there. But is it really necessary to publicly pat yourself on the back and take a picture of your Cuisinart with the caption, “Hannah walks into the kitchen saying yum”? Kids say “yum” when they see a caterpillar crawling on the ground; they say “yum” when they poop in the bath. I don’t think Hannah’s distinguished palate is convincing me that this is the best ice cream ever made.

But wait, we have another audience:

Women are reluctant to share mascara, but they’re more than happy to feed their kids each other’s breast milk. Go figure.

6. Floaters

It’s one thing to post online about your kid’s accident at the pool (and/or in his swim trunks), but adding “LOL!” and “That’s my boy!!!” makes you sound more like a proud mother than an embarrassed one. Once you let people in on your secret that you find your poop-happy son hilarious, the pool party invitations stop coming. Which, considering the circumstances described above, might not be the world’s worst thing. This summer, train your children not to poop in their shorts. And until they know better, don’t post about their accidents on Facebook.

 

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