STFU Parents: 6 Reasons To Keep Your Kid’s Bath Poop Off Facebook
As Halloween draws closer, I’m continuing to post some of the weirdest, grossest, and most repulsive submissions I’ve received all year during Fright Fest on STFU, Parents. And much like my column here last week focused on the bizarre trend of “documom-ing,” this week’s column focuses on a posting trend, too — of the poop variety. First, allow me to say that although I’ve posted a few bath poop submissions over the years (and briefly mentioned it in a column here, too), I’ve barely skimmed the surface in terms of posting the total number of submissions that I’ve received. My Bath Poop folder has been consistently clogged since 2010, and today I’m diving in to unearth some of the yuckiest examples from the bunch. Consider it a companion column to this one about the baby constipation posting trend (and please accept my apology in advance).
You see, individually these bath poop submissions don’t amount to much. It’s when they’re grouped together that they form a smelly conglomerate of intrigue (for me, at least). Why do so many parents post about something that is by all accounts completely normal? I understand the desire to share stories and to commiserate with other parents, but on Facebook, posting about bath poop is beyond gross. We’re talking about taking something that’s already unappealing to read about (poop) and incorporating a typically sterile environment (bathtub) to create a murky cesspool of story time drama. And that is pretty much the definition of “parent overshare.” So here’s a tip: If your update involves words like “nuggets,” “floating,” and “soup,” and those words are in reference to poop, you’ve officially gone too far. I don’t want to read about your child’s bath time filth, and today’s column showcases six reasons why.
1. Poop Schedules
Catrina – even with her their/there error – makes a joke here that I appreciate, except I think she might be coming at it from the wrong angle. In 10 years, Facebook will not be like the eight-track of the Internet. It won’t be Friendster, and that’s worth considering. Normally I don’t talk about what will happen when/if kids discover these types of details posted online when they’re older, but in this case I feel it’s important to point out that Facebook isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
Also, if I was Samantha’s husband and I read about avoiding my kid’s “ripe” bath poop via Facebook, I’d probably treat myself to a beer after my meeting. If she’s posting about the incident online, there could be pictures (or worse) waiting at home. Especially if she’s friends with people who casually use the term “evening BM” like they’re talking about a ritualistic cup of chamomile tea.