STFU Parents: 5 Ways Parents Birthdayjack Their Friends On Facebook

Last year, I wrote a column in honor of Birthday Week on STFU, Parents titled “How Not To Wish Your Kid A Happy Birthday On Facebook.” That column was all about the escalated madness of celebrating children’s birthdays in the Internet Age, honoring milestones on a monthly, week, and sometimes daily basis with cakes, gifts, and – of course – social media acknowledgement. Now that it’s Birthday Week again on the blog, I wanted to delve into another area of birthday madness: Birthdayjacking.

We already know that mommyjacking is a habitual and evolving trend, with offending parents hijacking their friends’ status updates to mention something about their kids at every possible opportunity. Mommyjackers are know-it-alls, bubble bursters, one-uppers, and career scolders, and they love nothing more than finding a way to shine the spotlight on themselves or their kids. So it makes sense that birthdayjacking is such a common practice, particularly if someone is lucky enough to share to a birthday with a mommyjacker’s child.

Birthdayjacking isn’t done out of malice, but rather with excitement — except that excitement is only occasionally shared by the person whose birthday it is. It’s not that it’s rude to point out that it’s your kid’s birthday on Facebook; most people give their children a birthday shout out on social media, if not several, even if the kids can’t read. What makes birthdayjacking so special is that parents are taking that excitement off of their personal page and applying it to friends’ pages, as well. It kind of makes you wonder if these folks are just dabbling in some “lite” birthdayjacking, or if they’re leaving comments about their kid’s birthday all over Facebook. Either way, it’s entertaining. Here are some examples:

1. Mommyjacking Another Mom

Dana and Michelle are friends, and friends typically enjoy having things like birthdays (or kids’ birthdays) in common. Still, the focus of Michelle’s update is her son, not her son and all the other kids out there who are enjoying their birthdays that day, too. The coincidence is “fun,” but perhaps Dana should have led with “Happy Birthday” and not “I forgot that my daughter is exactly one year apart from your son!”

2. “Birthday Buddies”

The thing that amused me the most when reading this was the spelling of “birthday buddy” Makensie’s name. At first I thought, “Did this woman just pluralize her daughter’s name?”, but then I realized that Lindsie’s name is spelled “-sie” and therefore her daughter’s name is “Makensie.” Then I re-read her comment and rolled my eyes, because really? Birthday buddies are only cool when they’re your friends, not a friend’s baby.

And PS: Does Justin even know Lindsie or Makensie?! Birthday buddies are especially irrelevant when you don’t know the person, unless that person is famous. For instance, I share my birthday with Cloris Leachman, whom I love, and possibly with my dentist’s baby, whom I couldn’t care less about.

3. Cheers To You And My Baby!

“Hey, man, happy birthday! Birthdays rule! You know what else rules? My baby! And you know who rules for making that baby? Me and my wife! Hope you have a great day, because we sure as hell are!!!”

4. Identity Expiration Date

I know Erin “Liked” this update, and I know Amy meant it with absolute sincerity, but give me a fucking break. Erin will always be known as “Erin” because that is her name. She will still be “Erin” after she becomes “Mommy” — unless of course she starts referring to herself as “Mommy,” which some women tend to do against their better judgment. Maybe Amy is one of them.

5. Birthdayjacking For No Reason Whatsoever

Last but not least, we have Melissa birthdayjacking Ernie, whose birthday it is not. She’s just getting an early start! She’s proactive (and oddly annoying) like that. Something tells me she’s gearing up for a serious second birthday bash, and all of her Facebook friends will be hearing about it for the next 30-40 days. Good luck, friends of Melissa, and don’t forget: Her son prefers the colors blue and green, his favorite sport is baseball, and yes he’s registered at Toys R Us.