Childrearing

If The Covers Of Sleep Training Books Spoke The Truth, They Would Look Like This

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I’m going to go ahead and speak for all parents who failed at sleep training their infants and say that sleep training books are a cruel joke.

When I was having trouble getting my first child to sleep, a smug neighborhood acquaintance delivered the book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” to my doorstep. It was 500 pages long. Immediately, I realized she hated me as much as I hated her. I didn’t even have time to shave my legs — how the hell was I going to get through this opus of an advice book?

I did try to skim it, and the gist of it turned out to be “ignore your child.” That is the gist of all of these books. I’m totally okay with that! No judgment! But we were living in a tiny apartment in Brooklyn where I couldn’t escape his little demon screams. Also, the sound of a child whimpering made me realize I wasn’t the tough parent I always thought I would be. I caved — and fast.

To all of you parents who managed to sleep train your children and are thus happier and more well-rested than I am — good for you. For those of you who didn’t, I made some more realistic interpretations of the covers of these fix-all sleep training books. You may identify.

1. The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems, Tracy Hogg

What the general public sees:

thebabywhisperer.jpeg

What the sleep-fail parent sees:

babywhisperer

2. Twelve Hours’ Sleep By 12 Weeks Old, Suzy Giordano “The Baby Coach”

What the general public sees:

12-hours-sleep-by-12-weeks-book

What the sleep-fail parent sees:

12hoursleep

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