Pop Culture

‘Sister Wives’ Polygamist Dad Says The Hormones Go In Your Mouth

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Sister Wives Dating AdviceWhy didn’t any of you tell me that Sister Wives is quite possibly my favorite show airing on TLC and that I need to start watching it right away because it has super uncomfy and freaky and bizarre moments like this one that is airing as a promo for the new season? Here I’ve been binge-watching Orange Is The New Black all weekend ( Miss Rosa 4ever!) and now I need to watch every episode of Sister Wives so I can see things like this:

The season premiere was last night and I missed it (Damn you, Game Of Thrones!) but I feel like we all need to sit down and have a “man to man” about this bizarre clip from the show. First of all, who lies on the sofa like that when company is coming over? Right away this gives us warning flags that this dude may be sort of a slacker parent, well, along with his weird 1970’s hair, and the whole joke about him cleaning his gun while he has a talk with his daughter Mykelti and her boyfriend John. First of all, I am having issues with this name Mykelti and my brain must not work so good because even if I hear it I see how it is spelled and my brain turns it into Spaghetti. So he talks to Spaghetti and John and that crack about “I’m going to have to check your man card, man” just because the kid wears matching shoes and a sweater? EW. I AM SORRY HE IS NOT LOUNGING ON THE COUCH LIKE YOU DAD DUDE. And first of all, he says DANGER ZONE:

Which, sadly, I don’t think is because he is an Archer or Kenny Loggins fan. The kissing and holding hands Danger Zone leads to broken hearts!

Then first of all, this whole thing about science and hormones and how the hormones GO IN YOUR MOUTH THIS IS WHERE THE HORMONES GO. And then he claims that science backs him up on this and has to drag the poor Apostle Paul into this, and those of you with google access and the interwebs know that the Apostle Paul was known for dropping dope wisdom like:

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;


And he asks poor John while Spaghetti looks on all mortified to speak about the quote he gave from Apostle Paul which was all don’t go and sow your wild oats and defraud your brother and  and John just says “don’t go for IT until you make sure everyone’s okay with you going for IT.” First of all, I think the IT he is referring to is Spaghetti’s LADYHOOD. I suppose it’s nice that he doesn’t want Spaghetti to have a broken heart and all but doesn’t this dude have like four wives or something? Do I need to be watching this show? Should I go set my DVR? Or just ignore it and go broid my hair? I don’t mean to be judgy about these people and maybe they are the best parents ever and I’m sure if they are awesome you guys will tell me in the comments, but I’m just a bit skeptical due to this whole SCIENCE man to man talk.

(Image: TLC video)