8 Mom Reality Shows I’d Rather Watch Than The Rich Kids Of Instagram
They are making a reality show based on the Rich Kids Of Instagram tumblr.Â According to Vanity Fair, E!Â plans to put some of the stars of said photos on an unscripted reality show, where they will learn hard-knock lessons about those who cannot afford private jets and/or exotic pets to chauffeur their Bentleys, and give back to them appropriately. Or, you know, a bunch ofÂ scenesÂ like this:
I like some reality TV shows. I like seeing how other people live. But all this new rich kids show will do will make me furrow my brow a lot and invent new profanity. I wish someone would ask me what would make good reality TV because I have many ideas about the sorts of shows us moms are interested in watching, that don’t feature incredibly rich children and incredibly rich housewives with punch cards from their local boxtox-emporium.
This show would pair two sanctimommies against each other in a death match. OK, maybe not a death match, but we could lock them in a room and give them controversial parenting topics to rage over like extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and technology usage amongst toddlers. After a set period of time, like say three weeks, we would let them out of the room and maybe by then they will have learned to STFU, making the world a better place.
Death Match SwapÂ
This is a laundry room. FML FML FML. OK, this reality show will feature two moms who have stupid, tiny laundry rooms with dog food stored in them and no place to fold laundry and linoleum that is from 1977. It will be like EXTREME LAUNDRY ROOM MAKEOVER where two designers take two women with incredibly awful laundry rooms and they will compete in a
death match washing clothing/ironing/folding match and the victor will get an amazing new laundry room with ample storage and a place to dry delicates.
Pimp My Kid’s Playroom Â
This show will feature parents who have been injured by stepping on a Lego block or who are about to lose their minds over their kid’s horribly unorganized play rooms. A fabulous designer will come on and rearrange everything into beautifully art directed playspaces with play areas and play zones and playscapes.
Moms Eating Cake
This show will feature
me two moms hopefully me and another mom who travel all over the world eating cake. You may not think this twice weekly aired reality show sounds interesting, but there is cake. And the eating of different cakes. And on occasion people like Anthony Bourdain will show up and we watch him eat cake. Plus, there will be many different types of delicious, delicious cake.
Â Moms Getting WastedÂ
This is exactly like my above pitch except replace delicious cake with delicious booze. There will be ADDED DRAMA because prior to delicious booze consumption it will show the moms arranging responsible childcare and stocking up on things like ibuprofen and toilet bowl cleaner for any vomiting that occurs.
I KNOW The Bachelorette is a show all ready but do you know what it needs? Moms to get their faces in their the entire time and tell the bachelorette which dudebros competing for her heart are total morons and wish ones deserve a rose or a kiss or a date or whatever. So this is just like The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, but add moms to act as chaperones/advice givers/moms.
Â Big MotherÂ
I know you guys think I am just being lazy now with my amazing pitch ideas, but think about it. BIG BROTHER, BUT WITH JUST MOMS! Yes, there will be a lot less racism and a few more “showmances” but wouldn’t the summer reality TV staple be so much more interesting if it just featured moms away from their kids and partners hanging out in a secluded house filled with camera watching their every move? I’m sure lots of drama will go down when moms bicker about who gets to do the dishes next and sneak each other food when one of them has to eat Big Mother “slop.”
The Real Housewives Of Mommyish
Do you know who is a gazillion times more interesting and cool than any of those housewives that live in Beverly Hills or Atlanta or Miami? YOU GUYS. I would rather watch any of you
usÂ do like everyday mom junk than listen to one of these pampered, hyper-groomed mombots whine about which party they should attend and what designer gown they should wear. All we need is a giant mansion with a hot tub, swimming pool, maid service, full bar, personal chefs, designer wardrobes, stylists, chauffeurs, and manicurists and makeup artists and dog groomers (Because we will have a very special episode where we get puppies for basically no reason) and we are good to go. Except for being shallow and catty we will all sit around and talk about our real lives which include the pros and cons of private versus public school and potty training. But in a mansion! This needs to happen. TV executives are you listening? I’m waiting by my phone for Bravo to call.