Hate Poopy Diapers? Then ‘Shittens’ Are Perfect for You!
There’s really nothing worse than changing a poopy diaper and ending up with a handful of shit. Right? Most poops are easy enough to clean, but then you get one of the dreaded blowouts. And even though you’re pulling wipe after wipe from the bag, and you’re wiping as fast as you can and trying to contain the shit, it will inevitably end up on your hand. And hey! You might not even realize you had shit on your hand until you go to scratch your nose or something! It’s just bad, from beginning to end. Well, now there’s a product designed to protect your hands (and face, let’s be honest) from poop. I give you: Shittens!
What are Shittens, you ask? I am so glad you asked.
Shittens are exactly what their clever little name implies: they are shit mittens. More specifically, they are baby wipe mittens that you wear on your hands during a diaper change. No more fumbling with one wipe at a time! No more exposed skin for shit to stick to! Nope, just slide on a shit mitten and get to work.
On the list of weird products that you didn’t think you needed but realize you must have immediately, these are right up there at the top.
Oh Shittens, we're SOLD OUT! But fear not, we got ur back(side)- u can *still* give the gift of heiney hygiene this #Christmas! Print out this glorious certificate & voila #StockingStuffers! Follow us & we'll post when we're back in stock! #MerryChristmas! #LastMinuteGifts pic.twitter.com/aJwIXS9Q9j
— Shittens (@GetShittens) December 24, 2017
But now the bad news: Shittens are currently sold out on Amazon. Why can’t we ever have nice things?? The other bad news: they’re ridiculously expensive. A pack of 20 will set you back just over $40 with shipping. Now, I hate shit hands as much as the next guy. But for $40? Nah. You can get like 1300 wipes for $18 at Costco. Also, one reviewer said that the mittens are really thin, like a normal baby wipe material. So plenty of poop … juice (oh god) can soak through, right into your palm. Not sure that really solves the problem, since then you’ll have squishy shit-juice filled mittens to remove and dispose of.
If you have a really strong aversion to poop, then you’re probably OK with the price tag. But honestly, if you hate poop that much, you probably should not have had children. Trust me, it doesn’t get better once they’re out of diapers.
(Image: Get Shittens)