When I Was Pregnant, I Had Sex Every Day
She replied, â€œOh my god. Your sex life cracks me up.â€
I had just told her that I had sex with my fiancÃ© the night prior, and then that day, before my friend forced me to go with her to a spin class. Right before that I also had a Brazilian bikini wax, so my vagina had gotten a lot of attention in those 24 hours. I havenâ€™t done a spin class in months, and anyone who has done a spin class for their first time, or their first time in many months, knows your vagina does kind of get bruised.
Basically I told my friend, â€œMy vagina is done. Itâ€™s out of business.â€ After two rocking, and pounding, sex sessions, a Brazilian bikini wax, and one spin class, the last thing I wanted was sex.
â€œMy vagina needs a break!â€ I told my friend, who was laughing her ass off.
Iâ€™ve become sort of a freak of nature amongst my friends when it comes to sex. It all stems back to when I was pregnant.
I had sex every single day of my pregnancy. This is not an exaggeration. In fact, itâ€™s not even an exaggeration to say that sometimes we did it TWICE a day when I was pregnant. I love my fiancÃ© and so we do it a lot. Obviously, Iâ€™m very attracted to him. I guess I also like sex. He DEFINITELY likes sex and I often joke to him that he has a sex addiction problem, because if we go ONE day without doing it, which rarely happens, heâ€™ll say something like, â€œWe havenâ€™t had sex in a while.â€
To which I respond, â€œWhat the fuck are you talking about? We had sex yesterday afternoon!â€
To which heâ€™ll respond, â€œOh, right!â€
But my friends are still amazed that we did it every day during my pregnancy, up until the day I gave birth. Literally, we had sex the day I had my baby. I wasnâ€™t scared that the baby would be hurt.
Thereâ€™s this funny joke that I mention in my book, Knocked Up, that I love. It goes something like this, â€œA baby is born and the parents are thrilled. As soon as the father picks up the baby, though, the baby punches the father in the face and says, â€˜Now you know what it feels like!â€™â€
Once I realized that we had sex for six months of my pregnancy, with no days off, I wanted to keep going. My fiancÃ© and I still talk about this. â€œHow could you have sex with me when I had gained 50 or 60 pounds?â€
His response is, â€œI donâ€™t know. Itâ€™s so weird, but I never saw you as being pregnant or that big.â€
I also WAS very horny during my pregnancy. Yes, I was like a horny whale. But I do know that sex is very important in a relationship. My fiancÃ© actually thinks itâ€™s the most important thing to keep couples together, but of course I think you could also add, â€œcommunication,â€ and â€œalways figuring out fights,â€ and â€œtreating each other with respect.â€ He agrees with that too and tells me so, especially while weâ€™re having sex (HA!).
Iâ€™ve recently become obsessed with asking married couples how often they have sex. The answers sometimes amaze me. Iâ€™ve never heard one of my friends answer, â€œEvery day.â€ The best I got was twice a week, which I thought was pretty good for 13 years of marriage. Iâ€™ve also heard, â€œUm, maybe every three weeks.â€ And Iâ€™ve also heard, â€œOnly on vacations.â€ (What? You only have sex like once or twice a year?) What saddens me the most are my friends who actually admit to me that, â€œIf he even wants to touch me, Iâ€™m repulsed.â€
Of course I side with my girlfriends, because thatâ€™s the type of friend I am. And some of them tell me, â€œTalk to me in five years. Youâ€™ve only been together with him for two and a half years.â€
Why, just because we are mothers, does the sex stop? Stupid question, I know.
We are tired. So tired. But, when you think about it, and I hope my fiancÃ© doesnâ€™t read this, sex lasts about 15 minutes. Sometimes when Iâ€™m not in the mood (and, yes, sometimes Iâ€™m not in the mood when I consent to sex) I just tell him heâ€™s going to have to fuck me, but do all the work.
Maybe itâ€™s true that I will get sick of having sex with him as time goes on. I hope not. After all, if I could have sex every single day throughout my pregnancy (thatâ€™s, like, nine months, every day) I certainly can continue having sex while not being pregnant — when I can actually lie on my stomach.
So, yes, while my friends think Iâ€™m a superstar, or a freak of nature, for having had sex all through my pregnancy and still every day now, I really am curious about how often married couples have sex. Is there a norm? Should there be?
As for me, Iâ€™m happy to say my vagina is back in working order.