Bad Mom Advice: Sex & Money – This Week We Discuss Allowances And Anal

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largeWelcome to my weekly Bad Mom Advice column where I attempt to answer all of your parenting questions as only I know how — with zero degree in early childhood development, but with the experience of raising four kids and not having any of them in prison – yet! Plus, I back all my advice on numerous scientific research, which may or may not include me making fun of your dumb kid behind your back and drinking a bunch of wine! Welcome to Bad Mom Advice!


I am in my seventh month of pregnancy. I saw you wrote about having sex while pregnant and even though my husband still wants to, I am scared and sort of grossed out by it. how can I get over this? please don’t use my name. 


You shouldn’t be scared. Sex is a very natural thing and how you got yourself in this mess to begin with, slut.

No, I am joking. I know a lot of women feel weird about having sex during pregnancy, and fears can range from not wanting to “hurt” the baby to feeling self-concious about their changing bodies. First of all, you cannot hurt the baby by having intercourse. The amniotic sac acts as like this super-protective forcefield around the baby and it isn’t like your husband is that well-endowed that his gigantic monster penis is going to knock the baby in the head. Sorry, but this is true. As far as feeling gross, when you have this giant baby growing inside of you and you’re exhausted and your ankles have vanished because you’re retaining water and the sexiest thing you can contemplate doing is lying in bed and watching Downton Abbey re-runs, you have to realize that sex may actually make you feel better. There is also some evidence that the closer you get to your due date, intercourse may actually bring on labor. It’s like a sexy, sexy pregnancy induction! As long as your water hasn’t broken.

I’m going to assume that part of you wants to have this sort of intimacy with your husband, because you took the time to E-mail me, and you have to remember sex doesn’t even have to include standard intercourse. Oral sex, mutual masturbation, and even anal sex are something that pregnant woman can enjoy. Anal sex is fine as long as you don’t have excessive hemorrhoids that could break during penetration, and that both you and your partner are disease free. I shouldn’t have to remind you that you shouldn’t go from having anal sex to vaginal sex, especially when you are pregnant because bacteria could be harmful to you and your unborn baby, but there are other ways to be intimate with your partner if traditional intercourse no longer appeals to you.

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