Weird News

11 Places You Should Not Use A Sex Toy

By  | 

remote controlled vibratorSex toys can be a fun way to spice up your marriage, but there’s a time and a place for everything. This is the lesson that Ashley and Dennis, who were featured on TLC‘s Sex Sent Me to the ER, had to learn in a most unfortunate way when they tried to use a unique type of vibrator in public. And what a hard lesson it was (sorry, I couldn’t help myself).

According to the couple’s interesting conversation with The Stir‘s Adriana Velez, Ashley heard about a remote controlled vibrator from a friend. Apparently the vibrator part is worn by one person, and their partner controls it with the remote. Ashley and Dennis were intrigued by the idea of public masturbation/sex play (and I have to admit, so am I) and decided to try it out…at their local grocery store. According to The Stir:

“We never used any toys like this before,” Dennis says, “but I was open to it.” He thought it was really cool that it was wireless. “You could be sneaky with it, but you could be discreet. That was the fun part — it was a mischief thing…I could be far away from her and press a button, and it would reach her. That was the best part. She didn’t know when it was coming.”

Unfortunately things took a turn for the worse when one “buzz” caught Ashley off guard. She slipped and hit her head, an ambulance was called and off to the ER she went. I bet explaining that situation was a fun time! This got me thinking about the many places where public masturbation just wouldn’t work. Places like…

11. The TSA security line

Ruth Wilson sex gesture gif

They might think you just rigged up the world’s most perverted underwear bomb.

10. You kid’s soccer game

soccer super saiyan gif

Not only would this be totally inappropriate, but if you DID fall and hit your head, the grass stains would be a bitch to get out.

9. Driving

Chevy Chase National Lampoons driving gif

And they say texting and driving is distracting!

8. Exercise class

Putin karate dancing gif

I know Zumba is exciting, but this would be ridiculous. No one wants to hear your moans of ecstasy while getting their sweat on.

7. Church

Jenna Marbles underwear across the room gif

Even in the confines of a monogamous, married relationship, I think your priest would disapprove of you climaxing mid-sermon.

6. PTA meeting

Rob Ford dancing gif

I know that George Clooney-esque single dad who does the treasurer stuff is totally hot, but save your passion for when you’re alone.

5. Bingo

Wayne Brady dancing gif

You don’t want to jump up mid-orgasm and accidentally claim a prize, now do you?

4. Jury duty

Kenny Powers Fire Works Gif

Though I guess this is one way to get dismissed.

3. At a funeral

my body is ready snape gif

Paying your respects to a loved one is probably not the best place to get your rocks off, and even if that does float your boat, have some damn respect!

2. Skeet shooting

Blanch Gold Girls hot in here gif

Just imagine…”Pull!…Pull!..PUUULLLLLLL!!” (Skeet indeed)

1. While nine months pregnant

dancing baby in womb gif

If it doesn’t make your water break, you might just pee yourself. Neither of these things are sexy.

(Photo: YouTube/ GIFs: