being a mom

Anonymous Mom: My Brother-In-Law Is A Schizophrenic Sex Offender

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Sex Offender RelativeWhen my S.O. and I first met, he mentioned he had a schizophrenic brother (let’s call him James) that had an unfortunate history of heavy drug use and violence. On our fourth or fifth date, he revealed his brother had been arrested that day. His arrest lead him to be institutionalized for several years and according to doctors, they didn’t believe he should ever get out.

For years my S.O. would visit his brother often and I knew he felt relief knowing he was in a place where he couldn’t hurt anyone else and wreak havoc on the lives of his family members. He wished him well, but couldn’t imagine the possibility of going through the hell he went through with James in the past.

Fast forward a few years and my S.O. and I have a child together and find ourselves in need of a temporary place to stay. We move in with his mother who has plenty of room and shortly after we move in, the hospital gives James privileges to leave the hospital grounds during the day as long as he stays out of trouble and makes it back at a certain time.

My S.O.’s mother of course was elated she is able to see her son more often and no longer had to make the trip daily to visit him in the hospital. My S.O. didn’t appear to share them same sentiment and abruptly leaves when James comes over to visit. The first day James arrived at our door, he began making perverse sexual comments and requests to my S.O. that sounded, well, crazy. I expressed my concern but my S.O. assured me his brother was harmless and had never done anything to hurt anyone (he must have forgotten he told me of his history of violence when we first started dating). He said the most he might do was harass someone, but I had nothing to worry about.

James pretty much knows to leave me alone when his mother and brother are watching, but if his mother is distracted and my S.O. isn’t there, he follows me into the bathroom, hovers over me as I cook and even cracked open my room door one day and watched me as I napped. He never did anything that made me fear that he would harm me, he was just creepy. He one day told me he had gone three weeks without sex and pressed himself against me while I was washing the dishes repeatedly asking for a hug.

I try to avoid being at home on weekends when he visits but I can’t not be home as early as nine am through seven or 8 eight pm each weekend. I have groceries to buy, meals to prep for the week, a house to clean and laundry to do. I often find myself feeling guilty for avoiding him and not being more understanding but I couldn’t shake a feeling I had that I needed for my child and me to stay away from him.

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