Sorry Pageant Mom, But There’s No Excuse For Giving Your 3-Year-Old A Spray Tan

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kiddie pageantsWith shows like Toddlers & Tiaras and Dance Moms infiltrating our TV screens, it really does take a lot to shock us these days. We’ve even become accustomed to moms like Sarah Burge, the “Human Barbie” who was booted off Anderson Cooper recently for being “dreadful” (just to refresh your memory, Burge hosts Botox-themed kiddie parties, and has proudly gifted her 7-year-old with breast-implant and liposuction vouchers). Still, there’s something about 3-year-old beauty pageant Savanna Jackson that makes me want to throw a right hook directly at her mother’s head.

It’s bad enough that this child has a face full of makeup and that she’s dressed in ridiculous little outfits. Now she has a spray tan, too. It’s all part of Savanna’s $4,600-per-month beauty regime, paid for by her trashy mom Lauren. So what exactly inspired Lauren, 26, to give her 3-year-old a tan? Why, the competition, of course.

“I’d seen another contestant with a tan and, not wanting the other girls to have an unfair advantage, I got Savanna one, too,” Lauren tells The Telegraph. She claims her daughter loves her darker skin tone, and she assures us it’s safe (she consulted a doctor and everything, being the fabulous mother that she is).

The best (as in, the worst) is that Lauren, who lives in Michigan but who travels across America to attend contents, really does think she’s Mother of the Year. She talks about “a line” and feels strongly that she hasn’t crossed it. “I’d never even consider surgery or Botox – she already wears more makeup than I do,” Lauren said.  (Ah, as if that explains it!)

Okay, really, Lauren Jackson sucks. There is simply no excuse for giving your toddler a spray tan (even if all the other toddlers are doing it. Ha!). Meanwhile, Lauren says it improves little Savanna’s confidence when she’s up on stage, and that it’s worth every penny. “I’m so proud of my tanned toddler,” she beams with pride. (Can we just take a moment to revisit that sentence? She actually describes her kid as a “tanned toddler.”)

Lauren, if you happen to be reading this, let me spell it out for you: You have officially crossed the line. Stop giving your toddler a spray tan! Stop layering her face with makeup, and stop having her prance around onstage in skimpy little outfits as a panel of mostly male judges rates her looks and performance. Here’s a novel idea: Why don’t you wipe her face clean and let her be a child?