gay family

Satan Is Using Graham Crackers To Push His Agenda Of Sin, Says Moron

By  | 

devilgrahams__1396539131_142.196.167.223Did you know there exists something called the American Decency Organization? Hmm – what could they possibly do? Advocate the merits of saying please and thank you? Talk about how important it is to hold doors for people? Manufacture those dummy turtlenecks you slip under shirts cut too low? That last one is a good guess, but no. They make it their mission to be sure we all know what Satan has his hands in – and this month it’s graham crackers. Graham crackers are the devil’s work. Damn it, Satan – you always get your hands on the good stuff.

Satan wants us to see sin as normal and not so bad. He delights in taking what God has made “good” and was meant to glorify God and change it, counterfeit it, making it to please Satan himself instead of the Creator God. The fallen one desires men to see themselves as gods, having to answer to no one but themselves.

So says American Decency Association board member Steve Huston. In this case, what God has made good is graham crackers and Satan is counterfeiting them and using them to promote sin, via Honey Maid’s awesome commercial that includes families with same-sex couples.

In the beginning, God created graham crackers. And they were only enjoyed by those who liked wholesome, penis in the vagina sex. And then Satan came and said, “graham crackers are henceforth conduits of sin and family decay – and Honey Maid will make it so.” I’m pretty sure I remember this passage from Genesis.

So, Honey Maid makes an awesome commercial that is inclusive of many different family dynamics – and this wacky group of religious fundamentalists sees it as a threat to the very thread of… something. I’m not really following their point.

Do these people literally have nothing better to do with their time than protest graham crackers? Huston is angry because the commercial is sullying his fond memories of childhood which include “eating a bowl full of soggy graham crackers for breakfast and talking with [his] mom.” That’s the worst breakfast I’ve ever heard of.

Go ahead an protest delicious graham crackers, dummies. That leaves more for us Teddy Graham loving sinners.

(photo: GlebStock/ Shutterstock)