Deciding how to decorate the nursery is a right of passage for the newly pregnant. When I got pregnant I spent weeks poring over Pinterest looking for theme ideas and color schemes to make the babies’ room just right. It seems like no nursery is ready to bring home baby to without some sort of wall art containing an inspirational quote that sums up your love for you new bundle of joy. At the time I fell for it hook, line and sinker, but now that I read these quotes through the jaded eyes of a bitter toddler mom, the sappy quotes that once made me say “Awww” now leave me thinking, “Huh?”
1. I love you to the moon and back
If the love you have for your child is measured in distance, what does it say when you pick the closest rock in the sky?
2. First we had each other, then we had you, now we have everything
Looming childcare expenses, constant anxiety over SIDS, an extra 15 pounds that refuses to budge- yup. We are living the dream.
3. When I met you I knew an adventure was going to happen
Parents of newborns have so many adventures! As long as your definition of adventure is moving from the bed to the glider to the couch and back again. Or getting some spring rolls instead of your usual egg roll with the Chinese food order because you’re too tired to cook again.
4. I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be
Ah yes, the Mrs. Bates special. It’s sweet, until they grow up and get a significant other. Then it’s just many layers of creepy.
5. Follow your dreams
As long as those dreams include a steady paycheck, a 401k and health insurance, because you sure won’t be living on my couch when you’re 30.
6. Let her sleep, for when she wakes she will move mountains
More accurate would be “when she wakes she will pee rivers.” And when did we decide we want our kids to move mountains, anyway. When I was little it was all about saving the Earth for the youth of tomorrow, not taking a bulldozer to large chunks of it.
7. There are two gifts we should give our children, one is roots and the other is wings
But for their 16th birthday, what they really want is a car.
If you’re looking for nursery wall art, it would be much more realistic to go with something like this:
Now these folks seem like they would be awesome to have a play date with.