I love weddings. I will go to all of the weddings, cry all of the tears, eat all of the dry, overcooked chicken, and drink all of the booze. I will dance the electric slide and clap during the toasts. I know some people hate attending weddings, but I am all about these parties. With that said, if you throw a big, precious temper tantrum about who will and who will not receive an invitation to your nuptials, I am opting out of the chicken cacciatore and cake smash and telling you to fuck yourself. I’ll keep the blender I bought because double margarita capacity.
That’s exactly what one bride did, and unfortunately for her, one of her Facebook friends posted the entire rant on Reddit, so that everyone could enjoy the ride. While I should no longer be surprised by jerkwad entitled douchebaguettes, this kind of wedding etiquette no-no always gives me a good laugh because screeds like this one always make you look like a budding narcissist:
Wow. That is an extensive list of imaginary slights that may have cost you an invite to this absolutely charming woman’s special day. I think the first thing that’s wrong with this is the assumption that everyone on your Facebook list gives even a half of a shit if you’re getting married. Some will, for sure. But “work acquaintances”? Group hang-out people who are “not that close of friends”? I would be weirded out if a work acquaintance invited me to her wedding, not disappointed if she didn’t. I might still be attend, depends on if we’re talking open or cash bar here.
Which brings me to the whole “I’m not inviting you if you just want booze” and “if you’ve ever talked shit on me” caveats. I hate to say this, but this includes practically everyone you’ve ever known. Even your dear, sainted mother has probably said at one point, “I love my little Veruca, but sometimes she is such an entitled little skidmark, you know?” Additionally, judging by the tone of your little rant, I wouldn’t be surprised if even the folks in your inner circle need to be in a perpetual state of buzzed to deal with you.
This hot mess is a thing of beauty. From the bride’s initial vow to keep everyone from getting “butt hurt” to her long list of things that make her sound like the most butt hurt individual on the face of the planet to the last line, “if you didn’t get an invite to the wedding but still plan on coming let me or [blank] know.”
All this says to me is that she probably deduced by the end of her manifesto that people were going to be slowly backing away, and wanted to give them another chance to be a part of the must-attend wedding of the season.
I think it’s fair for her friends to wait in eager anticipation for the post-wedding follow up; a scathing vaguebooking on how people she thought were friends are really inconsiderate dillholes for never coming to her wedding.