UPDATED: 10 FooFoo Outfits That Will Make Your Daughter Look Like A Deranged Cupcake

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shutterstock_63390925DAMNIT! I have no uterus so I can’t do any of this! All of you mamas with baby daughters need to give them to me RIGHT now, I’m looking at you Maria Guido, so I can dress them in the most utterly over the top ruffled and bejeweled baby couture ever that pretty much resembles the clearance ribbon bin had SEX with your granny’s wedding dress and Liberace and gave birth to a SEX clothes baby that you can put on your own baby and make them wear! WHERE will they WEAR this shizz? I have NO idea! Sears Portrait Studio? Baby beauty pageant? Wedding? TO KROGER? All I know is that if you buy any of these things, you better put your baby in at least three onesies underneath them because I bet the majority of these are so not machine washable! Why didn’t I do any of this when my baby was a baby? Someone quick invent a shrinking machine so I can make her wear these utterly ridic outfits just to totally freak out my family!


I have removed the featured image and will be happy to be remove any image of any child that a parent or store owner does not want included in this article. I don’t know legally if I have to do this (It’s the weekend, so I have no answer yet) but I think when writing editorial content, as long as I link back to the items, I am allowed to do so. It’s like if I wrote an article entitled “Top 10 Baby Gifts” and linked to the items sold in stores. It’s not like I removed watermarks or didn’t link back to the publicly available items. These are all sold on Etsy. Anyone can buy them. I did not claim they were MY pictures or I am selling the items. So for the items that remain below, you can all still buy them , the links work, and I’m a huge fan of people purchasing things that are made by independent designers and small artists rather than giant big box stores. Sadly, I do not know if we can all get grownup girl Batman outfits yet, but considering that dress was the fan favorite in the comments, I hope so!

I will adress the rest of the comments tomorrow, and oh boy will I address them, because there are some doozys. I will just say I truly doubt I am GOING TO JAIL with rapists and murders due to writing an article showing items that are available to be purchased online.

And one last thing, if you are an Etsy seller who wants their items featured to our readers, feel feel free to contact me. I am VERY interested in getting some “My Daughter Is A Tomboy And That’s OK” shirts made.




I can’t decide what I love most about this. Is it the 245 dollar price tag? The jaunty little armband? The totally bizarre thousand-yard stare of the baby model in the picture that makes it look like she is contemplating murdering whoever shoved her into this lacy bejeweled nightmare? I have NO idea, but I’m totally going to see if this can be made in an adult size.




My daughter could technically wear this, but she would also end up like the sad model in the photo because after spending 250 dollars on this we would also have no money for shoes. Can’t….sleep…bow…will…eat…me.




Well, fiddle-dee-dee! If your child needs something to wear to the Paula Deen old-timey plantation themed wedding complete with slave servers I think I found you the perfect thing right here! Gone With The Wind or Gone With The 749.95 this little beauty will cost you? Does not include plantation with wrap-around porch.





Honey, have you seen the baby? I don’t know, check the pink curtains again she is always hiding in there! This dress is obviously not good for babies learning to crawl or babies who may be around dogs who mistake them for your rosebush or babies who may be eating while wearing it. Or babies.

Nicole Richie

(Image: WENN)

Who doesn’t love Nicole Richie?


I don’t know how to describe this by not showing the pic but the mom asked me to remove it so I did. I have no idea how you can buy this item if you want, maybe look at Etsy for like, baby Chanel bodysuit or something. The baby had giant sunglasses on, and nailpolish and makeup. It’s like when my own kid wears my sunglasses, or like a baby Audrey Hepburn or Nicole Richie.

Her name was Lola! She was a showgirl! One thing that every mom knows is that when you are bringing your baby daughter to the Folies Bergère it is near impossible to find them the correct head piece to wear. 

Updated: This seller wanted her image removed, but you can buy fancy dress headbands for babies on Etsy! Instead, you now have a dancing cat!




How many diaper wipes did you pack? IT’S NOT ENOUGH! Just bring a case with. Or nine!



(Kutie Tuties)

Whatever you bought her for her birthday will not be good enough. Unless it is a damn pink unicorn which also flies.



(Evee Montavlo)

Baby’s first corset!



(Kutie Tuties)

And three seconds later, the little girl was crying hysterically due to wearing the bat mask. But I also totally need this in my size.

I missed so many opportunities for dressing my own daughter like this because I always threw her in a pair of jeans and her brother’s hand-me-down RUN-DMC shirt. What’s the point of even having kids if you can’t dress them like deranged cupcakes? I’m totally going to steal one of your babies and return it to you wearing something like this. You should start filing out that beauty pageant paperwork right now.

(Image: Suto Norbert Zsolt/