Childrearing

Revenge Fantasies Can Help You Get Through Rough Parenting Days

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Marla Jo Fisher writes that she gets through the travails of motherhood by plotting her revenge. For her, it means that someday she will move into her kids’ house and need a ton of care. Once she gets there, she’ll:

-Complain that it’s not my turn to clean up the kitchen, because I did it yesterday.

-Take all the towels out of the bathroom and throw them on my bedroom floor. Then walk on them.

-Ask for cash every day and when asked what I spent yesterday’s cash on, glare at the speaker and say, “I dunno.”

The list goes on. There’s a certain wisdom here. I figure by the time I’m done here, meaning, by the time my kids leave this house, I’ll have put in 18 years of fairly significant work. That should get me 18 or 36 (or more, if I have more children) years of man hours repaying the favor. Not bad.

When I’m living with them, I will:

–Take all of their books off their shelves and rip pages out of them.

–Smear yogurt into every crevice of the table.

–Hello, Depends!

–Whine that all my friends’ kids are way cooler than they are.

–Wake up early and start screaming. Every morning.

–Demand to sleep in their bed.

–Act like I’m doing them a favor when I eat the meals they prepare.

–Randomly throw valuables in the trash.

–Stand idly by while the toilet overflows.

Wow, and my oldest child is 3 years old. By the time I’m old enough to enact revenge, I should have some pretty good ideas.