Pop Culture
10 Ways To Repurpose The Fifty Shades Of Grey Sex Toys That Bore You Now
The new Fifty Shades of Grey trailer has hit the Internet, and the overall reaction to the steamy scenes has been, well, tepid. All the housewives, moms, and newbie kinksters who hit the Fifty Shades scene hard a few years ago seem to have moved on to greener pastures – whether that’s the part of the bondage scene that actually understands how consent and safewords work, or back to regular old vanilla-sex-when-you-have-time-between-Little-League-games world. (Or maybe reading and writing My Little Pony BDSM fan-fiction? Who knows.) This means there’s a lot of people out there in possession of unused drawers full of some serious bondage gear. Here are some of the things you can do with those long-forgotten nipple clamps and silk rope now that the shine has worn off.
1. Crotchless underwear
(Via)
Let’s face it, whatever your post-baby body looks like, one thing that’s almost certainly changed is your ability to contain your bladder. Wear these underpants with a skirt, and cut one step out of the bathroom process!
2. Silk rope
(Via)
Do you have toddlers who get into everything? Just let them try to break into the cleaning supplies cupboard with a triple-knotted version of this thing tied around the handles.
3. Satin blindfold
(Via)
These days, you’re up all night with the new baby instead of up all night to get lucky. Catch a mid-day nap with this handy blindfold to block out irritating afternoon sunlight.
4. Pink bondage tape
(Via)
There’s nothing in life that can’t be fixed by WD-40, duct tape, or a combination thereof. If you’re out of duct tape, why not substitute in this refreshingly feminine alternative? It’ll look especially great if your child breaks the front door off Barbie’s dream house or rips the passenger-side door off of her little pink convertible.
5. Buttplug
(Via)
The bathtub drain hasn’t been watertight for years, but finally you’ll be able to relax with a bubble bath again using this little guy as a stopper. Bonus idea: use some of that past-its-expiration-date scented lube in the hot water as aromatherapy.
