Now You Can ‘Rent-A-Wife’ To Do All The Silly Little Chores Wives Do

By  | 

5757760150_908cac03fb__1377954395_142.196.167.223I always thought that when you outsourced things like party-planning, closet organization, and errand running – you were looking for something called a “personal assistant.” Silly me. What you really need is a wife. Rent-A-Wife allows you to pay a woman $40 and hour to do your chores for you – like a personal assistant. Only, she’s not a personal assistant, she’s a Rent-A-Wife, got it? Because that’s “cuter.”

Ugh. 1952 called. It wants its marketing back.

Juliette Bresnahan, the woman who started the company wants us all to know that this isn’t offensive branding at all because the majority of her clients are women. Also, she’s a woman – duh! In case you didn’t know, women can never marginalize each other.

There are several packages to choose from. The Starter Wife gives you five hours of services a month, The Good Wife gives you 10 hours of services a month, and The Trophy Wife gives you 15 hours of services a month, because we all know the more insignificant shit your wife does for you, the better she is. And husbands don’t know how to party plan and clean, am I right? The Rent-A-Wife will also:

Bake Cupcakes for School Functions
Meal Planning and Grocery Shopping

Pick Up and Drop Off Dry Cleaning
Last Minute Costco Run for Your Bbq or Big Event
Pick Up and Drop Off Your Kids from Soccer, School, Daycare

Office Administration, Filing, Scheduling, Shredding
Bouncer of Ideas
Mind Management

Phone Caller
Order Taker

“Mind management?” I actually could use that.

Look, I get it. It’s a marketing gimmick that makes one personal assistant service stand out from the rest. You’re entitled to name your company “Rent-A-Wife” and I am entitled to think it is a totally dumb name, because you are perpetuating the stereotype that men are useless around the house and it’s a wife’s “job” to do all of this stuff. 

Imagine your life with no to-do list. Has life become a circus juggling household, career & kids? Don’t be a clown; rent a wife.

(photo: Flickr/ CreativeCommons/ Ethan)