Childrearing

What Your Favorite Celebrity Baby Name Of 2014 Says About You

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Celebrities can and do name their babies whatever they want. Last year we all decided universally that North West was the best celebrity baby name of 2013, but this year the field was more divided. Here is our completely scientific study that will reveal with 100-percent accuracy what your favorite celebrity baby name of 2014 says about you.

1. Reign Aston Disick

Women's Health Hosts Hamptons 'Party Under The Stars' for RUN10 FEED10If your favorite baby is Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick‘s newest son, you love novelty shoes and reading books that are very literal allegories. (Tyra Banks’ Modelland is the most fun you’ve had reading a book since Are You There God, It’s Me, Chelsea, which you want to give to every friend who is about to take a long airplane ride.) Your favorite TV show is Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and you have spent the past year and a half furious that you didn’t think to name your baby North West like Kim Kardashian and Kanye did.

2. Titan Jewell Witherspoon

2014 MTV Video Music Awards - Red CarpetKelly Rowland and Tim Witherspoon’s baby is named after a moon, or a figure from Greek mythology, or a man-eating giant monster from Attack on Titan. Either way, it has gravitas and power behind it, and you like that. You consider yourself a happy person and you are a joy to be around, but sometimes in dark moments you remember the kid you played tennis with in grade school who was never quite as good at tennis as you, but that kid went pro and has been in the Olympics and you gave up tennis in college, and you question all your life choices. You  have been watching a lot of reality TV home decor shows lately, and you would really like to be tall.

3. Wyatt Isabelle Kutcher

Oklahoma City Thunder v Los Angeles LakersYou aren’t entirely sure if Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher‘s baby is real, or a plot line from That 70s Show that you forgot years ago because you’ve been smoking a ton of illegal substances. You love “Wyatt,” but you’ve already decided that your next baby will be named “Vape.”

4. Rose Dorothy Dauriac

"Captain America: The Winter Soldier" - UK Film Premiere - Red Carpet ArrivalsYour dream job is to be a “water sommelier” who tells scrub customers at restaurants what type of bottled water to order, and your hobby is posting on Facebook about how Downton Abbey is just a soap opera. Your wedding was Art Deco themed and you love Scarlett Johansson‘s baby name, but you are secretly disappointed that she did not marry Prince Harry. You’ve recently discovered Selling New York on Hulu, and it is your favorite TV show of all time.

5. Summer Rain Rutler

Breakthrough Prize Awards Ceremony Hosted By Seth MacFarlaneYou’ve been planning your baby names since you were in middle school, as has Christina Aguilera. Your favorite book was Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, which you didn’t actually read but you really liked the picture on the cover. Your life is an endless struggle for elegance, and nobody but Princess Grace and Kate Middleton have ever lived up to your exacting standards. (And Princess Grace doesn’t really count, because of the things she got up to before she was a royal, which you will not speak of because you are a lady.) You very nearly named your baby “Summer’s Eve,” but someone stopped you at the last minute.

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