Reddit Dad Pens ‘Open Letter About Son’s Penis’ For His Wife’s ‘Sanity’

185069152Teen boys are creepy. End of discussion. I love my son, you all love your sons, but boys are full of all sorts of hardcore extreme hormones and chances are if their bedroom door is closed they are masturbating.

It’s just that simple. It doesn’t even need to be discussed unless you are like this dad on Reddit who felt the need to give his wife a list mansplaining teenage masturbation because for the life of her his wife just couldn’t fathom that this is a thing that happens. The list of eight things includes helpful hints for his wife about how to knock on doors before entering and the assurance that yes, their kid is viewing porno.

Never, under any circumstances, should you bare-hand any white clothes or tissues that are on the floor near his bed. Better yet, don’t bare-hand any white clothes or tissues on his floor. Even better, don’t bare-hand anything in his room. Best to wear a hazmat suit when you enter his room or do his laundry. And always wash your hands after.


I’m super duper not sure why the kid in question is only wiping himself off on white items, but OK. And if your kid is leaving a mess of mystery tissues around, you should probably splurge and buy him his own trash can.

I suppose it’s sweet that this dad wants to give his wife a letter explaining all this to her, but it also strikes me as sort of insulting that the dad assumes his spouse doesn’t know this already. His wife was once a teen who obviously went through puberty as well, and I sort of hope she writes him her own letter explaining that doy, teen girls masturbate too.

I find it hard to believe parents are actually scandalized by this. I also find it hard to believe the wife in question didn’t know this already. And I also find it hard to believe teen boys are just ejaculate-encrusted item litterbugs, or else maybe this is how it just goes down in this house. Here’s hoping the poor kid in question never discovers his dad writing about his personal business on Reddit. To me that’s far more damaging than his mom walking in on him by accident.

(Image: getty images)

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