6 Totally Selfish And Not-So-Selfish Reasons I Cannot Homeschool My Kids

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shutterstock_77710792__1375100698_74.134.205.46This always happens when back to school time comes around. I think I should maybe homeschool my kids. Not my eldest, he’s going to be a junior in high school so as far as I’m concerned I’m pretty much done with him, but my youngest will be entering third grade and I will have a middle school kid this year. School is hard! School is hard on both kids and parents. Even though my kids have all been extremely fortunate to have been instructed by some pretty amazing teachers, whenever anything awful happens in the world I think I should consider schooling them at home.

I adore my kids. I love spending time with them. When they leave in the morning no matter what is going on in the world, I worry a bit. I think all parents do. If it’s not gun violence, it’s bullying. Peer pressure, all that.  If I could keep them safe and sound in my nest chances are likely that nothing bad would happen to them at school, because they would NOT be at school. But then when I really think about it, I don’t think I could homeschool my kids. The amount of dedication and determination that parents who homeschool have astounds me. Some of the reasons I have are pretty selfish and silly, but when I make the big list of the pros and cons of me homeschooling them, if I am being totally honest, I need to include the frivolous with the important. Maybe if I were really committed to it I could do it, but I’m not sure I’m cut out for it. Because…

I should get one of those signs that says “One of these days I’m gonna get organezized”.

shutterstock_77747272(Photo:  Jo Ann Snover/shutterstock)

I have a very clean house, but I have NO idea where anything is. Do you know how many times I have been told:

Sorry ma’m, you cannot write a check for pizza using an eyeliner.

I’ll buy a nice new package of pens and some stationary and I have NO idea where it goes. I’m sure my kids take it, I’m sure some get lost under things, I’m sure my cat loves nothing more than batting a pen cap around. All I know is my kids would end up doing all of their school assignments with broken crayons on grocery store receipts.

I Work At Home 

Every day I’m up at five am. I make coffee. I outline what wonderous things I will write for you guys today. I research articles, conduct interviews and answer hate mail. Koa Beck, my boss, shows up and then everything goes to hell. Because not only do we have to discuss website content, then Koa always pulls some magical editorial stunt like FORCING me to watch this awful reality show called PRETTY WILD on Netflix and then my brain is consumed with privileged Hollywood young ladies with stripper poles in their living room. How can I focus on schooling my kids when I am busy being schooled on reality TV?

Math is Hard 

Even though it’s such a stupid cliche, I am a woman who sucks at math. Which sucks because I love math. I think math is terribly important but it was my worst subject at school. I can deal with like, eighth grade math but anything over that and I’m sending my husband a text that reads:


And I can’t really be expected to have my kids understand and appreciate math when I cannot do it myself. I’m dumb at math. There, I said it.

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