6 Totally Selfish And Not-So-Selfish Reasons I Cannot Homeschool My Kids

shutterstock_77710792__1375100698_74.134.205.46This always happens when back to school time comes around. I think I should maybe homeschool my kids. Not my eldest, he’s going to be a junior in high school so as far as I’m concerned I’m pretty much done with him, but my youngest will be entering third grade and I will have a middle school kid this year. School is hard! School is hard on both kids and parents. Even though my kids have all been extremely fortunate to have been instructed by some pretty amazing teachers, whenever anything awful happens in the world I think I should consider schooling them at home.

I adore my kids. I love spending time with them. When they leave in the morning no matter what is going on in the world, I worry a bit. I think all parents do. If it’s not gun violence, it’s bullying. Peer pressure, all that.  If I could keep them safe and sound in my nest chances are likely that nothing bad would happen to them at school, because they would NOT be at school. But then when I really think about it, I don’t think I could homeschool my kids. The amount of dedication and determination that parents who homeschool have astounds me. Some of the reasons I have are pretty selfish and silly, but when I make the big list of the pros and cons of me homeschooling them, if I am being totally honest, I need to include the frivolous with the important. Maybe if I were really committed to it I could do it, but I’m not sure I’m cut out for it. Because…

I should get one of those signs that says “One of these days I’m gonna get organezized”.

Photo: Jo Ann Snover/shutterstock)

I have a very clean house, but I have NO idea where anything is. Do you know how many times I have been told:

Sorry ma’m, you cannot write a check for pizza using an eyeliner.

I’ll buy a nice new package of pens and some stationary and I have NO idea where it goes. I’m sure my kids take it, I’m sure some get lost under things, I’m sure my cat loves nothing more than batting a pen cap around. All I know is my kids would end up doing all of their school assignments with broken crayons on grocery store receipts.

I Work At Home 

Every day I’m up at five am. I make coffee. I outline what wonderous things I will write for you guys today. I research articles, conduct interviews and answer hate mail. Koa Beck, my boss, shows up and then everything goes to hell. Because not only do we have to discuss website content, then Koa always pulls some magical editorial stunt like FORCING me to watch this awful reality show called PRETTY WILD on Netflix and then my brain is consumed with privileged Hollywood young ladies with stripper poles in their living room. How can I focus on schooling my kids when I am busy being schooled on reality TV?

Math is Hard 

Even though it’s such a stupid cliche, I am a woman who sucks at math. Which sucks because I love math. I think math is terribly important but it was my worst subject at school. I can deal with like, eighth grade math but anything over that and I’m sending my husband a text that reads:


And I can’t really be expected to have my kids understand and appreciate math when I cannot do it myself. I’m dumb at math. There, I said it.

I Enjoy Urinating And Showering Alone 


(Photo: Martina Osmy/shutterstock)

I like having my house to myself, and one of the reasons why is because when my kids are at school, I can have some PRIVACY. Even though they are old enough to give me this, it doesn’t matter, because just the other day my teenage son knocked on the bathroom door when I was peeing to tell me:


If I was homeschooling them they would be here always and I would never, ever get two minutes to myself to get clean or change clothes.

 Parents Who Homeschool Are Very Patient 

9186009453_80262beb81_o(Image: Pioneer Woman Homeschooling Blogs)

A lot of homeschooling parents tackle subjects my kids haven’t even started to learn in school yet, plus they make sure their kids are socialized which means scouting activities and sports programs and community service. PLUS, they take them on field trips. Just reading some of the blogs exhausts me. I just don’t know how they do it.

They Have To Deal With Non-Homeschooling Parents 

Check out this amazing list from a homeschooling mom and I can totally see where she’s coming from. Hell, this entire list breaks rule #17. As much as I admire and appreciate parents who homeschool, I just don’t think I’m cut out for it yet. I think it’s takes a special blend of organization, patience, and a true desire to teach your kids at home because you feel like home is where they can receive the best education possible. As much as I envy these parents, I truly think my kids are better off where they are. For now.

(Photo:  HamsterMan/shutterstock)

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