7 More Reasons Hobby Lobby Sucks

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hobbyFor the last two days, I have been stewing a lot over the Hobby Lobby decision and like many of you, I am incredibly upset and afraid for what kind of future this could portend for ourselves and our daughters. I work a full-time job and don’t even typically write on weekdays but this got me boiled up enough to spend my Tuesday night accompanied only by my murderous rage and half a bottle of chardonnay while my husband did all kiddie tasks so I could lay out for all of you another seven reasons Hobby Lobby sucks. You know, in addition to the fact that their leadership are obviously charter members of the He-Man Woman Hater’s Club.

The fact that this decision by SCOTUS is monumentally unfair to their female employees is only the icing on a very shitty, shitty cake made of gloppy piles of shit. A cake baked for all of us womynz to let us know exactly where we stand in the eyes of the leadership of this disgusting and hypocritical corporation. Please feast your eyes on the below to learn why Hobby Lobby not only sucks, but why they might be the biggest hypocrites in all of corporate America:


1. They still cover vasectomies.

I guess it’s acceptable to the 8lb. 9oz. Baby Jesus if a MAN prevents an unwanted pregnancy but not those slutty slutty sex-having women! Take your IUD and shove it (but not up your vag, please and thanks). Men can have complete domain over their reproductive abilities but women cannot. Seems fair, right? I mean, it’s not like women are real people anyway.


2. And Viagra.

And what of the Viagra pills Hobby Lobby is willing to cover for male employees? It is primarily used by older dudes who have trouble conjuring up a boner during sexy time, right? Presumably, old enough that making another of Jesus’ littlest followers may not be the primary objective of their every roll in the hay. Didn’t the Bible say somewhere that sex should only be used for procreation? I must have missed the clause where it also protects 80-year old men who want to pretend they are Hugh Hefner.


3. They invest 401k dollars into companies that produce a copper IUD and also, Plan B.

According to Motherjones: Documents filed with the Department of Labor and dated December 2012—three months after the company’s owners filed their lawsuit—show that the Hobby Lobby 401(k) employee retirement plan held more than $73 million in mutual funds with investments in companies that produce emergency contraceptive pills, intrauterine devices, and drugs commonly used in abortions. Hobby Lobby makes large matching contributions to this company-sponsored 401(k).

So I guess by their flaccid, woman-hating, old man logic, its acceptable to support these “baby-killing” materials so long as it adds to their bottom line. Because, money. Oh, and because they don’t give a sparrow’s shit about women, naturally.

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