If You Need To Attend A ‘Reality Party’ To Learn Teens Drink, Then You Are A Cyborg

teen boy drinking in the clubWhat do teenagers do at parties? Well, I imagine there’s a table with soda and snacks, and perhaps a few board games like Yahtzee and Monopoly. The girls probably sit on the one side of the room while they giggle about who they have crushes on, and the boys are probably on the other side of the room engaging in horseplay. If you are nodding your head in agreement, then you are the type of parent that “reality parties” were designed for. The rest of us are praying our kids don’t do the kind of stuff we did as teens, and that isn’t going on a four-game Yahtzee losing streak.

A company in Pasadena, California called Straight Up Reality Improv recently held a “reality party” where clueless parents can watch teen actors pretend to be at a typical high school party, complete with alcohol, drugs, and sexual assault.

TGIF, motherfuckers.

In a video shown on a Los Angeles CBS station, these uncomfortable teenagers do things that — aside from the cocaine and the rape — I didn’t think kids did anymore. Do teens really still play beer pong? And do keg stands? And when someone yells out, “Hey guys, we got a keg!” yell out “Hurray!” and run over to it? Because I wouldn’t think they’d want to do anything that they could get schooled at by someone close to 40. I will take out all of those kids at a game of Quarters. That’s all I’m saying.

So this improv group has kids act like every Spring Break party or after school special you have ever seen in order to show parents what it’s like for teens today at parties. I admit to being a little surprised by that, because any adult who was ever a teenager (all of them) knows what happens at these parties. I don’t need to watch Alex from Improv pretend to buy crack to know that it happens.

I do appreciate that they are trying to educate parents who are apparently unfamiliar with the idea of teenage drinking. But I would have a very, very difficult time being appropriate at one of those reality parties. Some of the situations they act out are begging for a jerk like me to please not ever be there ever:

Participants shared that they witnessed fist fights, drinking games, sexual situations and even adult sexual predators who crashed the reality parties.

Lord have mercy, there is a lot going on at this party. And then someone hired a stripper, and someone else brought a loaded gun, and another kid broke a priceless vase, and someone else painted inappropriate words on the family dog. Or what the kids call, “Tuesday.” Amiright? High five.

Listen, most parents are very well aware of the kind of horrible, awful things that happen at parties because the same stuff happened at the parties we went to when we were kids. Our job is to raise kids who are going to say, “No thanks. I’m not interested in attending a cock fight this evening.” Kids are going to get into messed up situations, just like we did. All we can do is teach them to have a strong backbone, some self-esteem, and a firm sense of right and wrong. And also convince them from a young age that they are strongly allergic to heroin. Or maybe that’s just my plan.

(Photo: YanLev / Shutterstock)

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