The Answers In This ‘Ask Reddit’ Thread Prove Kids Need Real Sex Ed

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A lot of people are scandalized by the idea of sex education. Apparently knowing the word “zygote” will turn us all into nudist Jezebels, and we all know that if teenage boys see a line drawing of a Fallopian tube, they will run through the streets like werewolves, tearing down buildings and society in a lust-fueled frenzy for biology textbooks everywhere. But kids need sex ed. They really do. Because if they do not get sex ed, they will go to Reddit and ask about sex.

(Related: Professor Survives Live-Tweeting Her Son’s Abstinence-Only Sex Ed Class Without Her Brain Exploding)

According to Styleite, there is a thread on Reddit wherein virgins solicit sex advice from more experienced posters. Those posters, of course, are anonymous people on the Internet. In the extremely NSFW Reddit thread, virgins asked Reddit’s more experienced users what vaginas were like. This is what they were told:

“Warm cantaloupe, like, after it’s been cut and left out for breakfast, and you’re idly picking through it – musky, just a touch bitter,” said one budding sommelier.

“Vaginas are more like pennies,” said one user who should stop putting coins in his or her mouth.

“Drooling on your pillows, and saliva in general,” another suggested.

“I’ve gotten honey, from previous partners. Like, an unpasteurized wild honey that a bear has pawed through maybe,” said one user, who I am hoping has never actually been that close to a bear.

Another person wrote, “one of my exes smelled like those Queso cheese dips you use for tortilla chips at the best of times, or nothing. One ex smelled like crayons, she was probably my second favorite. … Another had a very unique sweat smell which was absolutely fantastic, i wish I could build a cottage there and just retire.”

“Have i been walking around smelling like an Americanized Mexican appetizer my whole life?” a bewildered female Redditor asked in response.

Another person said the vagina tasted like a 9-volt battery, and he is either trolling or has been dating a robot.

The thread is deeply entertaining and at times actually very useful, but it does go to show that people want information. Kids with Internet connections will get that information from somewhere, somehow. If we don’t want our kids’ only source of information about sex to be people on Reddit telling them that oral sex is like licking a 9-volt battery, we have to make sure they get proper instruction. Sure, they’ll probably wind up getting information from the Internet anyway, but a little actual sex ed will help prepare them to separate the good advice from the “lick a battery” advice.

 (Photo: Shutterstock; article originally published May 2, 2015)