Childrearing
10 Questions That Will Confirm You’re Not Making A Playdate With An Obnoxious Mom
I often find myself wishing for a more thorough way to vet potential playdates to spare us both an afternoon of awkwardly pretending to enjoy each other’s company. There should totally be a Match.com for mom-friends, but in the absence of such a place, I’d contend with a simple questionnaire that playdate parents have to complete before they’re allowed to come to your house. The person hosting emails it, the potential guest fills it out, and then if there’s a match you set the date. No strings, no hard feelings. Simple. My playdate questionnaire would consist of the following to ensure maximum compatibility:
1. Would you like to sell me something and/or recruit me into your multi-level marketing scheme? If so, skip questions 2-8 because we’re done here.
2. On a scale of Jenny McCarthy to Bill Nye, how much do you believe in science?
3. My religious beliefs (or lack thereof) differ from yours. How concerned are you for my eternal damnation and more importantly, how much will I have to hear about it?
4. Do you put pictures of your kid’s poop, vomit, and/or exposed private parts on Facebook? If so, I don’t want you to come over, but please use the space provided to briefly explain what’s wrong with you.
5. Approximately how much time will you spend talking about what a genius your kid is, and will you be offended if I start drinking after the first half hour?
6. Do you plan on supervising your kid while you’re here, or are you just going to hang on the couch while they act like an asshole?
7. Are you offended that I just called your kid a potential asshole?