Questions You Should Not Be Asking Your Mommy Message Board

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462408047Birth month message boards are a wonderful invention, if for no other reason than that most of them seem to descend into an exercise in madness that the rest of us can watch from a distance with a comically over-sized bowl of popcorn. But sometimes, I find myself looking on at the train wreck with something more like concern than amusement, and those times are generally when people come to the wilds of the internet for help with things they just don’t want to bother their doctor with. Here are a few things you probably should be taking to your family doctor or a nurse hotline before you entrust them to the internet’s waiting arms.

1. Why your child is vomiting.

This is doubly true if you post pictures of said vomiting in order to aid in identification of its cause. There is no requirement that people get a nursing certification before replying to posts on the internet. There is not even a requirement that they graduated from eighth grade. Is that who you want to trust with your child’s health?

2. What dose of prescription medication to give your child.

Why have I seen this happening? Why have I seen this happening multiple times? You have an answer to this question, because it came printed on the container for that medication. If the prescribed dose isn’t working for you for some reason, please talk to the person who wrote the prescription, not ‘kaitlynsmomma13’.

3. Whether your child needs tubes in his ears/surgery/physical therapy.

Message boards where you can interact with other parents are a great place to turn for the support you need while going through these challenging times, or for a heads-up on what to expect from them. It is, once again, not a good place to get medical advice.

4. If they can diagnose your child with behavioral, physical, or neurological disorders.

The internet does not know whether your child has asthma or autism. The internet doesn’t even know if Ted Cruz is aware of what a clitoris is, or, hell, whether the President of the United States is actually the Anti-Christ. Their track record with reality is not good.

5. Whether the substance coming out of your pregnant body is something to worry about.

From hyperemesis gravidarum to a leak sprung in the downstairs, it’s probably better to seek out medical help. And a garbage bin to catch the overflow.

(Image: JackF / iStock / Getty)