Better Ways To Blow $1000 Than Professional Summer Camp Packing

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As the always awesome Maria Guido covered earlier this week, according to an article from The New York Post (aka America’s Daily Fail), posh NYC mamas are spending mega bucks on professional organizers to pack their precious snowflake’s summer camp trunks. I wish I were kidding. The Post talked to Barbara Reich of Resourceful Consultants (who must have the best job ever, especially if you’re a type-A personality like me), who says she is inundated with requests this time of year. Apparently clients will pay up to $1000 for someone like Reich to put together all of the comforts of home for these cosseted kids.

This got me thinking about what else I could get for $1000 for my not-so-coddled kiddies. Turns out, quite a bit.

8. A Jet-pack Ride

For $1000 you can get a two hour jet-pack ride for two people. A freaking JET-PACK. How cool is that? Way cooler than hiring an organizer to put scented soaps in your 9-year-old’s summer camp trunk, that’s for sure.

7. Custom Made Surfboard

For a cool grand you and your little Quinoa can take two (count em’, TWO) surfboard shaping lessons. Now, if you’re like the summer camp parents above, you will probably want to farm out those surfing lessons kinda like these parents did with bike riding. Because actually being with your kids is HARD.

6. Drive A Bulldozer

There is nothing my kids like more than giant construction equipment and vehicles, so  they would go gaga over this. For that same $1000 some folks are spending on packing, you and 10 of your friends (or kids, if you’re a Duggar) can have at it on one of these bad boys for 90 minutes in a giant Las Vegas adult playground. Unfortunately this is only good for older kids, as you have to be 14 and up to try it, but it’s great for your teenagers.

5. Professional Double Dutch Session

double dutch

(Photo: peanambia)

This sounds like the coolest birthday party activity ever. For $1000 you can hire double dutch professional Melissa Quayle to come to your party for two hours and teach up to 300 people have to double dutch like a pro.

4. Order 1000 Orders Of McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets 

Because these things are delicious and who cares about trans fat anyway?

3. Shark Diving

This one is a steal at a mere $775 per diver (assuming you send junior down while you stay safe on dry land like a sane person). Topside observers are only $375, and the minimum age is just 13, so feel free to bring your teenagers.

2. A Wealth Counseling Session

This article from Mother Jones doesn’t go into how expensive each session is, but I’m going to go ahead and assume it’s around $1000. And who needs wealth counseling more than someone who would blow a grand to pack a damn bag, amirite?

1. 16 Kevlar Baseball Hats

kevlar baseball hat


For $1000 you can be a helicopter mom for a whole little league team with these hand-dandy Kevlar baseball hats. No, not helmets. HATS.