NYC Private Baby School Charges 35K A Year So Dumb Babies Can Play With Rocks

There is a new private school for babies opening in Gramercy this fall and sending your baby to school there will only cost the bargain price of 33,492 dollars! Explore + Discover, an eight-classroom learning center for children from three months to two years old, will launch September 8 and will be the first of 26 similar learning centers that will open across the city over the next few years. 26 similar schools, because there are more than just a handful of parents who have enough money to send their babies to a school to teach them how to play. I’m glaring at all of you jerks for not coming up with this idea so we could all swim in dollars like Scrooge McDuck right now.The description from the DNAinfo website reads as follows:

The 5,000-square-foot Gramercy center, which will serve roughly 80 children, will include an outdoor space with a sandpit and water play area, along with outdoor instruments like a large xylophone. Inside, one of the highlights will be the oversized bathroom sinks, which will be designed to encourage children to interact with water.

 

A large xylophone! BIG sinks! But that is not all your college tuition comparable money gets you, because your baby also gets to play with rocks:

“Teachers will be constructing the curriculum with the children,” said Jacqueline Marks, director of the Gramercy location. “Let’s say the teachers notice that the child keeps going back to the same basket of rocks day after day. They’ll watch to see what they’re doing with them. Are they knocking them together or lining them up?

35K a year so your dumb baby can play with a basket of rocks!

I am starting my own learning center which will cost half this money and won’t include any rocks. I mean, the article also states that there will be three teachers per class and class size is only between eight to 12 kids so I guess your baby will get a lot of attention, but for 35K? I suppose if you pay this cost when your baby is still in diapers you will be totally ready when you pay the same tuition for them to attend college.

(Image: Explore+Discover)