Women's Issues

‘Princeton Mom’ Compiles All Of Her Stupid Man-Finding Tips Into One Book Let’s Hope No One Reads

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Screen Shot 2014-03-04 at 8.01.00 AMDo you want to turn your college years into a time when you morph yourself into a throwback 1950’s wife with no opinions, shunning education to chase down men who will never know who you really are? If so, buy Susan Patton aka the Princeton Mom’s new book, Marry Smart: Advice For Finding THE ONE.

I know many of you women go to college to, oh, I don’t know – get an education and carve out some interests that will ensure you set yourself on the right career path early. But that’s dumb. I mean really, who cares about getting the most out of the kind of focused learning you will never again have in your life? It’s a much better idea to hit the gym regularly so you look amazing when you meet the man you will hide all of your real opinions from.

The Daily Princetonian was lucky enough to get some excerpts from Patton’s opus. According to Patton, men don’t need dating advice because they can take their time finding a woman due to the fact that they have no biological clock. Also, they can just marry mean women to have sex with:

“You don’t have to marry a man who is as smart, capable and accomplished as you,” she wrote. “But tell the truth: Don’t you want to?”

Patton wrote that men, on the other hand, can date “dumb, mean or nasty” women who will have sex with them. She acknowledged that her advice is only meant for women. Men, she wrote, don’t need dating advice and can take their time in finding a wife and having children.

I almost want to buy the book to see how she reconciles these points. If men can and do take their sweet time finding a life mate, why even bother putting a bunch of effort into looking amazing, smelling good, and not swearing or revealing any of your real opinions in college to land one?

Women should be the driving force in changing the hookup culture on college campuses. Because men have come to “expect free sex,” men will not start to think about having serious relationships until women stop making themselves so available to men without commitment, she wrote.

Men expect “free sex” now ladies – and it’s all your slutty fault. Never mind that college-aged women actually like sex too – and probably really don’t want to get married in their early twenties either. But don’t think about that. Really don’t think about college at all. Of course you should get by so you don’t get tossed out, because this is the only time you will be surrounded by men who are your intellectual equals, Patton claims. I’m not sure why that matters since she doesn’t emphasize the importance of intellect in this great man search at all. She advises you think about working out, getting surgical intervention if you are obese, having a clean mouth, learning to cook, and getting regular manicures.

The cherry on top of this shit sundae overflowing with bad advice is the victim-blaming stance she tosses in for fun:

Additionally, if a woman dresses provocatively, drinks too much and then enters a male’s room, whatever happens next is all on her.

“Please spare me your ‘blaming the victim’ outrage,” Patton wrote, adding that these women have “displayed screamingly bad judgment and must bear accountability for what may happen next.”

So, just to recap: your biological clock is ticking, men don’t care and stop being such a slut. There – I just saved you $18.

(photo: Amazon)