Sorry, A Preschooler’s Party Should Not Trump An Adult’s
Carolyn Hax, advice columnist for The Washington Post, got a very interesting etiquette question today: an adult wants to know if she is in the wrong for refusing to reschedule a “milestone” birthday party of her own because it coincides with the birthday of her preschooler niece. The obvious short answer is “hell no,” but let’s get to some details.
“I happen to share my birthday with my niece (who is preschool age). Since she was born, my birthdays have been spent celebrating my niece’s birthday, which I have gladly done with no ill feelings whatsoever.”
The woman has the unfortunate luck of sharing a birthday with her niece. I say “unfortunate luck” because her niece’s mom, her sister-in-law, is a piece of work. Since her niece was born, she’s been celebrating her niece’s birthday with her rather than having her own celebration with “no ill feelings whatsoever.” But this year she has what she describes as a “milestone birthday” and wants a party of her own. I’m guessing it’s 30 or 40 or one of those milestone years. Of course she wants to celebrate it.
Enter sister-in-law, demanding that she change the date of her adult party — one that comes with scheduled bartenders, catering, and invites to all her adult friends — so as not to conflict with the day of celebration she’s planning for her pre-school-aged daughter. The adult party is obviously happening at night and will not be conflicting with the kid’s party whatsoever. Sister-in-law is so irate that she won’t change the party, that she’s canceling and rescheduling her daughter’s party.
“My mother just told me that my sister-in-law told her she has to cancel my niece’s birthday party because I selfishly decided to throw my party on the same day and my niece is extremely disappointed. My mother is now asking me to change my party to ‘keep the peace.'”
The letter writer wants to know if she’s being unreasonable for wanting her own adult party?
OH MY GOD.
No, letter writer, you are not being unreasonable. The only unreasonable thing about this is that people are allowing your sister-in-law to act this way without putting her in check.
This particular column struck a chord, not because it’s about a mom who is taking her daughter’s birthday way too seriously, but because it so clearly illustrates what happens when jerks are allowed to be jerks and their jerk behavior goes unchecked. You don’t become a person who doesn’t think your sister-in-law is entitled to her own adult party in a vacuum — I would bet large amounts of dollars that this woman is unreasonable, self-centered, and narcissistic about many other areas of her life.
It’s a shame that her outburst is affecting her preschooler’s birthday — but this mom can not get her way. People like this need to be told when they are being unreasonable — and requesting that your adult SIL reschedule her milestone birthday because it happens to fall on the same day as your 4-year-old’s is just ridiculous.
(photo: Getty Images)
