This Adult Preschool Is The Perfect Way To Waste Money And Avoid Responsibility At The Same Time

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adult acting like babyPreschoolers live a pretty idyllically life.Their day is filled with coloring, snacks, games and they don’t have to tie their own shoelaces, let alone worry about paying bills or making dinner. If you’ve ever longed for the days before you had children or looked at a preschooler and wished you could trade places with them, you’re in luck, because preschool for adults has arrived.

Michelle Joni Lapidos and Candice Kilpatrick spoke with the New York Village Voice Blog about their upcoming adult preschool program called Preschool Mastermind, a month long course for adults designed to help adults rediscover the “magic” of childhood. I’m sorry if my gagging sounds made it hard for you to concentrate on that last sentence.

According to Preschool Mastermind’s website, activities will include arts and crafts and themed snack time. I’ll admit that sounds a bit awesome, as does the idea of a assigned buddy system, because I am an introvert.

But the sessions also include nap time and homework, and that’s where I start to feel like this whole thing just is a brilliant money making ploy. These women have found a way to get paid for letting people sleep on the floor (I’m assuming the we are sticking with an authentic preschool experience of napping on mats) and making them fill out worksheets.

In case that’s still not enough to make you reach for your checkbook, Preschool Mastermind plans on having a class picture day and a dress like a four year old day. Unless you’re into some pretty specific kink, why anyone would want to dress like a child on any day that isn’t Halloween is beyond me. Pigtails don’t work on anyone over the age of six.

How much will all this cost you? Enrollment in la-la land ranges anywhere from $333 to $999, as the program fee is on a sliding scale. All that means to me is that I would spend the entire session trying to figure out where I stood in the rankings of “Who’s The Biggest Sucker In This Room”, but then again I’ve never had much of an affinity for show and tell.

Look, I understand having unresolved issues from childhood that you want to work on, but this is not the way to go about it. While I am jealous of these women’s creativity and business drive, they aren’t therapists.They aren’t even both preschool teachers, if you want to get technical. If you really feel like you need to “go back to the beginning” that money would be better spent on a professional.

The whole idea that adults can be more childlike and less responsible by attending a structured preschool program is preposterous. If you’re looking for a way to relax a bit, a way to laugh a little more and worry a little less, there are a million and one ways to do it that don’t require paying the cost of a vacation to a Ms. Cancan. Like taking an actual vacation.

So no, I won’t be grabbing some markers, stickers and safety scissors to complete an application. But if they invent a way to let you do high school all over again, well then shut up and take my money. I’ve got some clothes I want to remember and some boys I want to forget.