Jesus Freak: Purity Is Overrated


Jesus Freak: I am a Christian mom who was raised in a fundamental Christian home. I have questioned my beliefs and have come to love myself and God on my own terms. I’m raising my kids the same way. 

One of the most popular arguments in the abstinence culture is that sex will be so much better if you wait until marriage. I’ve heard this argument hundreds of times. I believed it myself hook, line, and sinker as I pristinely preserved my V Card until I started living in sin with my now-husband at the age of 24. Close, but no cigar.

The argument is this: God designed sex as a sacred act between a man and a woman. You have to wait until marriage to have sex. You will be rewarded for your efforts of waiting years longer than your peers by experiencing the best and holiest marital sex of your life.

Here are a few examples of this thinking:

“Yes I did wait for marriage before sex. For me it was very important to keep my virginity for the man I loved with all my heart, and to have sex on my wedding night for the first time was a bonus. It was an honor to be a virgin. I got married at age 24. Proud to have kept my virginity for marriage. It was my choice.”

it’ll b more special when u finally give your virginity to your husband. any religion will tell u that sex before marriage is wrong, although it has now become a norm in the society. i believe that there’s a reason why religion are against it, to prevent unwanted pregnancies and std among other reasons.

A girl makes a tragic mistake when she tries to gain love or hold on to it by giving sex. Real love may lead to engagement, marriage, and sex, but sex does not lead to real love. Instead, it often destroys your chances of knowing real love.

Oh, boy. I was brainwashed taught some of the same ideas myself back in the good old days of youth group. I remember the pet analogy of my youth group leader: Your soul is like a piece of scotch tape. When you have sex, you are giving away a piece of yourself and sticking that tape to anyone who crosses your path. By the time you meet your super-fantastic future mate that God has waiting for you in the wings, your tape will be all linty and crappy, and you won’t be able to stick.

Now that I am older and wiser, I am calling BS. I’m not saying that respecting sex and waiting for marriage is wrong, if that is your choice. But I can almost guarantee from my many years spent in church that most young religious people waiting for marriage have been told to do so. Instead of questioning what they believe about sex, love, and relationships for themselves, they are trying so desperately to keep their legs closed and do “everything but” because their pastor said so.

Or maybe that was just me.

The idea that your wedding night is going to be an amazingly special event you have waited your whole life for is damaging. What are you going to do when your wedding night isn’t that great? What are you going to do when your first attempt at sex is inevitably awkward, as so many teenagers have discovered years before you?

It is not wrong to be a virgin on your wedding night. I was pretty close to achieving this goal myself. It is wrong to feed young women these unrealistic expectations and teach them absolutely nothing about sex and their own bodies.

There are plenty of women that go into “pure” relationships and have no idea what they are doing. Again, I can’t speak for everyone, but I can bet that many of these women have no clue what it takes to please themselves or achieve an orgasm. Don’t forget, masturbation is also wrong.

If you want to wait to have sex until marriage, that is fantastic. Just don’t build it up to be more than it is. Purity is overrated, and sex is not dirty. Waiting until marriage is a valid choice, but it does not guarantee better marital sex.

(Image: MarishaSha/Shutterstock)

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