Men Are Sharing Their #PregnantWife Problems, And Yep, These All Sound Right

Sure, women do all the heavy lifting during pregnancy, but their partners have quite a bit to “put up with” too. She’s carrying your child; when she says jump, you best day how high, dear? Men on Twitter are sharing their #PregnantWife problems, and we have to say, these all sound completely reasonable. From the wife’s point of view, we mean. Carry the baby, get everything you want. That’s just how it works!

You have to consider just how much work she’s putting in, and weight it against what she’s asking you to do. Is she asking you to build her a bridge to the donut shop so she can walk there whenever she wants? No, she’s not. She’s asking you to just get her some donuts, which honestly, who doesn’t want donuts? And it doesn’t matter if she’s asking you to get her those donuts at 3 a.m. There’s a reason donut shops are open 24 hours a day in a lot of places. So complain all you want, husbands. But man up and get it done. When you see her in that delivery room working harder than you’ve ever worked in your life, you’ll realize that a personal walking bridge to the donut shop really isn’t that outlandish a request.

#PregnantWife problems are about what you’d expect. She sends you out for popcorn and you get the wrong kind. Or she yells at you for eating her food. Even getting a jump on decorating for Christmas is a reasonable request.

As far as I’m concerned, any day after Halloween is fair game. And she’s right, trees need to be fluffed. It’s become completely socially acceptable to start decorating for Christmas early. Maybe she wanted to make sure she would be able to reach up and place some decorations! Those little things we take for granted become a bit more difficult when you’re gestating an actual human being. Besides, it’s a scientific goddamn fact that Christmas lights make everything better. So put up the tree, and put a present for her under it while you’re at it. She certainly deserves one.

“I love you too, guacamole.”

It’s not that she doesn’t love her husband. But she’d love him a lot more if he brought her snacks. Partners should always just have snacks on hand with a pregnant woman around. Just like a little trolley they can wheel around, with an array of all the foods she might want at any given moment. Salami? Got it. Cheese and crackers? Bottom shelf. Cookies? There better be several varieties depending on her mood. And don’t even think about asking her to share. You’ve got legs, get your non-pregnant ass to the kitchen and get your own snacks. Trolley snacks are for pregnant women only.

Do not, we repeat DO NOT, mess with a pregnant woman’s Target. That’ll take a #PregnantWife problem to a level 10 everybody problem very quickly.

Pregnant women deal with changes every single day of their pregnancy. They don’t need shit to change if it doesn’t need to change. And places like Target have a way of just completely changing THE ENTIRE STORE without a moment’s notice. They should function the same way our computers do. Give us a million pop-up warnings that there’s a pending update, and give us the chance to click “Update Later”. We spend a lot of time at Target, so when it looks different on Wednesday than it did on Monday, that’s not OK. A little heads up and an updated map of the store as we walk in would be nice.

Hint, hint!

As long as the point gets across and the feet get rubbed, the delivery doesn’t matter. She may also just plop her body down next to you on the couch and wordlessly place her swollen, tired feet in your lap. At that point, you say nothing. You just grab that foot and you start rubbing. You might offer her a snack off the trolley (that’ll win you bonus points). Or you may offer to paint her toenails. But don’t ask in a mean way, like “Damn baby, these toes are beat, you want me to give you a pedicure?” Make it nice and tell her you saw a nail polish that matched the sweater she wore on your first date and want to paint her nails with it. 

Oh, you thought popcorn meant just any popcorn? LOL, no.

https://twitter.com/anaquaticgiraff/status/875181492783243265

You’d think picking a popcorn wouldn’t need such specific instructions. Welcome to the mind of a pregnant woman. We want what we want, and what we want is VERY SPECIFIC THINGS. Don’t come home with some dumbass store brand microwave popcorn. Don’t come home with actual kernels you have to make on the stove. You stand there, in the popcorn aisle, and you read every single label on every single box. You’re also permitted to google each popcorn and read the reviews. And before you buy ANYTHING, you should send her a picture so she can give you final approval. 

So long, #PregnantWife. Hello, stranger danger.

At some point, the lovely woman you married goes away, and this … other person takes her place. It gets better. Eventually. See, the thing is, she’s probably freaking out internally (and externally, we can’t mask it all that well). And she’s trying to put on a brave face and act like this is all normal. But it’s not normal? I mean, it’s normal in a biological sense. But it feels very foreign and uncertain and her body is different and her emotions are absolutely out of control. So yeah, she’s going to get a little … scary. Let her have her freak outs, and you have yours, but in private. Because she will cut you if she see you trying to steal her freak out thunder.

#PregnantWife Problems: Um, it’s never too early.

https://twitter.com/Steevzy/status/909093769693216769

Mac and cheese counts as a breakfast food. Anything you eat at breakfast is breakfast when you’re pregnant. It’s got some of the basic food groups. There’s dairy, and grains. You could even throw a little bacon in there if you feel weird about eating it at breakfast. You know what I ate for breakfast during my first pregnancy? Tacos. Not breakfast tacos, with eggs and shit. Actual tacos. Carne asada tacos with cilantro and onions and hot sauce. It was all I wanted, and for some reason they tasted better first thing in the morning. So let her have her mac and cheese for breakfast. It’s fine.

#PregnantWife problem? We don’t see a problem.

https://twitter.com/NDrules43/status/901943700644909056

Pregnant women need to plan for craving contingencies. You never know what’s going to hit at any given time. She might think she wants cheese and crackers but then come snack time she decides it feels like a soup kind of day. But probably she still wants the cheese and crackers, just WITH her soup. There is no either or during pregnancy. Carrying around a bag of food is just prepping us for carrying around a diaper bag full of baby supplies. We have to train our arms and shoulders to manage the heft of a big bag. The funny thing, she probably didn’t eat any of this and got takeout for lunch instead.

Again, you never know when the craving is going to hit!

Also a spicy chicken from Wendy’s sounds amazing right now, and I’m not even pregnant. Once a pregnant woman starts thinking about food, it’s a slippery slope. Here’s where I think her mind went: Halloween sugar cookies reminded her of milk, which reminded her of cheese, which reminded her of cheese fries, which reminder her of that one time she got cheese fries from Wendy’s, which reminded her of what else they have at Wendy’s, and then she remembered the spicy chicken. Really, it’s not that big of a stretch. It’s Six Degrees of Separation but with food instead of Kevin Bacon. Mmmmmm, bacon.

Why buy maternity clothes when you can just steal your partner’s?

https://twitter.com/Dad_OnDuty/status/896110984875491328

If it fits, it’s hers. Just go with it. #PregnantWife problems have got NOTHING on pregnant woman problems. You know why she stole that shirt? Because you are bigger, and taller, and your shirts are longer. And all of her shirts ride up over her belly, and she doesn’t like that. But she’s not going to go out and buy new shirts when there are perfectly good shirts in your dresser she can wear. That’s just fiscally irresponsible. So really, she’s saving you money and making use of a shirt you probably haven’t worn in months. You should be thanking her instead of questioning her. 

That sympathy weight gain is real.

A good partner doesn’t let their pregnant wife eat alone and make a spectacle of herself. Pull up a chair and pick up a fork, buddy. Just don’t eat what she’s claimed as hers. She will order for herself, and all of that food belongs to her. Don’t take a fry. Not even one single fry. You know why? You probably took the best fry, the one she’d had her eye on. The fry that’s the perfect balance of crispy and soft. You just took it and ate it and now it’s gone and there are no more perfect fries. I hope you’re happy with yourself. Now she’s crying and demanding pie. 

#PregnantWife problems: It’s an emotional roller coaster.

Yay, food! And then tears when the food is gone. Ups and downs. I was kind of amazing by how much I cried, and what made me cry while I was pregnant. I would cry several times a day, about the stupidest stuff. I remember crying for a solid 20 minutes because the seam on my sock was sitting on my toe weird, and I couldn’t manage to get my shoe off and fix it without assistance. This is the kind of shit we deal with every single day. But I’m going to be honest, I’ve gotten super sad over good food being gone even when I wasn’t pregnant. That’s just sad any time.

Oh, it’s cute that you think you even have a side of the bed now.

Just wait until the baby starts making the entire bed it’s bitch. Hope you have a comfy couch! But this guy had the right idea: “as long as she’s comfortable”. Her comfort is more important than your comfort now, sorry! Three months pregnant, ten months pregnant, it doesn’t matter. If she’s uncomfortable, EVERYONE is uncomfortable. And it really is insanely hard to get comfortable during pregnancy. So if she takes up the whole bed, slide on over to your sliver of it (don’t ask for a blanket if she’s using them all) and sleep there. And don’t you dare complain the next morning. That will open floodgates of emotion the likes of which you’ve never seen.

The noises are … alarming.

Between the constant moving to get comfortable and not being able to breathe, quiet nights in bed are a thing of the past. And then there’s the gas. Oh yes! Pregnancy gas is something else, man. It stinks, and it’s loud. But whatever, we do it wherever and whenever the need arises. We can’t keep farts in when we’re walking around trying to clench our vaginal muscles closed to keep the baby in. Or trying to control our bladder to keep from peeing ourselves. Oh, and the breathing thing? We hate it as much as our partners. Imagine not being able to breathe properly from your nose for months. It sucks.

#PregnantWife problems: When you find the thing, you love that thing.

And never judge a pregnant woman for her culinary choices. If she wants to put those apples and peanut butter and pickles together, you tell her it looks amazing. In fact, tell her it looks so amazing that you’re going to make yourself some, too! And sit next to your pregnant wife eating her disgusting snack and make the yummiest yummy noises you’ve ever made in your life. Don’t make her feel self-conscious about eating disgusting food. It looks and sounds good to her, so that’s all that matters! Plus, peanut butter and pickles is actually kind of delicious, OK?

How about YOU pull an all-nighter, and #PregnantWife will sleep.

Probably more comfortably, as she’ll have the entire bed to herself. When you have a pregnant partner, there is no “we”. WE don’t do anything. YOU do whatever needs to get done, without even bringing it to your partner’s attention. Unless the “we” involves naps, food, or foot massages, she wants no part of it. Honestly, expecting a pregnant woman to stay up all night to do anything is kind of hilarious. I couldn’t stay up long enough to see the sun set most nights, and during winter it sets at like 5 p.m. She is going to bed, and you and the mouse in your pocket can do what needs to be done.

You won’t like her when she’s angry.

Pregnant women bear a surprising resemblance to The Hulk. Proceed with caution. The slightest thing can set them off. Like when she goes to have a snack and realizes she ate the last of the cheese last night. Even though it was technically her own fault, she won’t care. She will get angry, probably at you, because you didn’t anticipate that she would eat all of the cheese and restock that cheese when it’s almost gone. You have to be two steps ahead of her the entire time. Or else she will Hulk your ass faster than you can say, “Do you want me to get some more cheese?”

It’s 10 months, and considering what she’s going through, we’re pretty sure most partners would agree that they’re getting off easy. And honestly, the pregnancy is the easy part for most! Just wait until the baby actually arrives, guys.

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