What’s With All The Internet Boob Shaming Towards Us Old Ladies Lately?

The other day, our imaginary BFF who is like, beyond pregnant Busy Phillips tweeted:

And this coupled with an article in the New York Times all about how a 65-year-old woman was feeling all awkward about sexy bra and panty shopping has got me thinking all about how there seems to be a whole hell of a lot of middle aged lady boob shaming on the internet lately, and I don’t like it!

We (and I don’t mean you and me, you and me are not assholes like that) love to body shame women in this county, and when we are not fretting about the skimpy hemlines of tween starlets or how fast some celeb has gotten her post-pregnancy body back on the runway by subsisting on kale and dryer lint we can always resort to freaking out about the fact that the olds – and by “olds” I mean anyone over the age of 30, dare to want to either not wear a bra or else encase her breasts in ribbons and lace. Oh, the horror.

In this edition of Mommyish TRUE LIFE CONFESSIONS!!! – I am a 43-year-old woman who has breastfed three children who on occasion does not wear a bra and also probably owns more bras than just about anyone, ever. I’m a bra addict. I may not have the body of an 18-year-old Victoria’s Secret model but to be honest with you, this is true life confessions after all, I really… do …not…give…a…fuck. Sincerely. Now, I’m not dashing off to the mall food court to buy a delicious, delicious mall food court pretzel bra-less, but it’s not because I consider my less-than-perfectly-perky breasts any sort of eyesore or public safety hazard, it’s mainly because I like being fully dressed when I leave the house. I’m also not freaking out about buying lingerie for my less than centerfold-class breasts because I love lingerie. And it makes me happy, so why shouldn’t I wear it? But most importantly, why do we (and once again, I don’t mean we as in you and me, because we are too busy worrying about bigger issues in the world than who is doing what with their breasts) really give a damn what women do with their breasts anyway? From breastfeeding in public to wearing a bra or not wearing a bra it seems like there is so much focus on what women are doing with their breasts, and who cares anyway? We don’t give this much concern to men and their testicles. Men are never testicle shamed. I have zero idea about anyone’s testicles unless they live in my house and I’m reminding them to wash them when I run their bath. I’m totally going to start testicle shaming male celebrities. I am sure there has to be something wrong with Kanye West‘s testicles.

And Busy, we all adore you, but here’s the thing, one day you will be an old lady too. You may want to run out of your house bra-less and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want some young (er) woman judging you. But don’t worry, we’ll forgive you for your stupid boob-shamey tweet. You can come sit by me. I’ll be the old lady with no bra on enjoying a food court pretzel.

(Photo: Craig Kirk)