giving birth

Man Claims Watching Wife Give Birth Is The Ultimate Boner Kill

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Ladies, if you let your partner watch you bring life into the world and your  postpartum sex life isn’t so hot after you brought life into the world then it is your own fault for letting him into the delivery room. We must do our part to shield men from having to witness our vaginas do their job of bringing life into the world and only let men see our vaginas as boner-inducing delicate flowers. Because the male mind can’t conceive  of vaginas actually expelling an 8-pound-baby. Won’t someone protect the men of the world from this messy, messy, sloppy business of childbirth? Not to mention the utter boner-killing horror of cesarean section!

From The Daily Mail:

For ten years, our sex life had been great. But then Diana gave birth to our son, Sonny, and things ground to a halt.

You might think loss of libido after having a baby is far from unusual, to be expected even; most women understandably focus their energies on their newborn, too tired to think of anything else.
But the lack of intimacy in our decade-long marriage was down to me, not Diana.

And the reason? Witnessing Sonny’s birth had turned me off sex altogether.

I’d been keeping a video diary of our journey to birth, from the moment we left our house. And for some reason — probably to give me a sense of purpose and focus — I filmed the Caesarean. Looking back, it was a step too far.

I won’t go into the gory details, but suffice to say the sight of a surgeon elbow-deep inside your wife’s abdomen isn’t something you forget in a hurry.

The whiney crybaby husband then goes on to mansplain some other aspects of pregnancy and childbirth throughout the article? Some of my favorites include:

I truly believe couples would have more chance of normal intimacy after a birth if men saw less of the delivery.

There is no denying that having a baby changes a woman’s body immeasurably. People don’t like to talk about scars from the Caesarean, saggy stomachs or greatly increased nipple size, but that’s the reality.

I just think we should be realistic about the impact a man’s involvement at the birth can have on a relationship.

Do you know what else can impact the man’s involvement in a postpartum sex relationship? Being a dumbass who bitches about having to watch his wife go through a c-section and how her changing body has impacted their sex life immeasurably. That doesn’t do a lot for women in the romance department. Pregnancy and childbirth are hard. No one is disputing this. I think I can easily argue that what the body and mind go through physically, emotionally and mentally are a lot harder on women than they are on men. That’s my stance and I’m sticking to it. If a man truly feels that watching his partner have a baby, by whatever means, is going to fuck up his bonerability in the long term than he probably shouldn’t be present at the birth of his child. But why would you let a man who felt that way put his penis in your vagina to begin with?

Pregnancy and childbirth and raising kids is hard and exhausting and messy and bloody and not-sexy at times and not-showering-daily-because-your-baby-is-teething and watching reruns of Breaking Bad on the sofa and eating takeaway Thai food and having postpartum sex be the farthest thing from your mind. But you know what else it is? Life. Life is long people! It goes by fast but in many ways, life is a long, long, long time. And in relationships, in good, healthy relationships, lots of things happen. Sometimes you will want sex constantly and your entire reality will be based on how many times a day you can lick your partner’s mouth. Sometimes you won’t feel like sex for whatever reason and you will be focusing on your career or washing dishes or redecorating your living room. Sometimes, illness. Sometimes, cancer.

If you have a good sex life with your partner, if you are open and able to communicate and voice your feelings and concerns, your wants and needs, then what happened to our good friend, the man above who lost his libido after he witnessed his wife have a cesarean, won’t happen to you. People want to have sex with each other! These things can be worked out, with care and consideration and patience and laughter and sometimes an excellent babysitter and a bottle and a half of really good wine. And a visit to a sex therapist, if needed.

I didn’t marry my husband and have sex with him and get pregnant with him thinking that we would always be as amazingly good looking and super duper sex sex sexy as we were during our courtship. We realized that we would get old, we would get fat, we would wrinkle, and sag, and age. That sometimes my breasts would be leaking breast milk. That one day he may lose his hair. (It should be noted, this probably won’t happen. My husband has an amazing head of hair and serves as a hair mentor to at least fifty different men of varying ages.) That my stomach would be littered with stretch marks after having children. That our bodies, our brains, our sex lives would change.

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