being a mom

Polyamorous Mom: I’ve Missed My Period And I Have Multiple Partners – UPDATED

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Note from Eve:

As I discovered below in the comments, Polymom has taken multiple at home pregnancy tests that have shown a negative result. I was unaware this was the case, and was told when she submitted her article that she hadn’t taken a test. She asked me to “cross my fingers” for her, which I did. Had I been fully aware of the entire situation, I would have made her headline her piece “I’m Poly And I May Or May Not Be Pregnant” or something, and in the conclusion of her article mention that she had taken tests at home. Polymom is writing an addendum which I will include when I receive it. For those of you who felt mislead by the article, to be honest I am right there with you. At the end of the day, its my job as editor to fully understand the entire situation before I chose to publish something, and I truthfully thought I did. I’m personally sorry for anyone who felt duped by this. 

And from Polymom:

To Our readers:  I did not intend to create any confusion, when I wrote this I had taken one negative urine test and then gone and purchased another after submitting.  Having been pregnant before, I am used to them not turning positive until a week or so after a missed period, so I was still (and still am) having all the same angst and turmoil of wondering if I am pregnant. 


My head is spinning. My period is four days late, and the tampons at the bottom of my purse are taunting me.  As someone with fairly regular cycles who wants no more children, I’m a little freaked out.  We all freak out at pregnancy scares, but now-a-days I have the added layer of having multiple partners.

As I’ve covered in past articles, I have three kids, a great husband, and a super boyfriend. I like this setup. I like my life. It’s hectic and a little bit crazy, and scheduling is a bear, but I enjoy every second of it.  I value the family time of playing games and baking on the weekends, weeknights on the couch watching Doctor Who with the spouse, and date night hangouts out with my boyfriend.  I think my job is okay; I love freelance writing, and I’ve greatly enjoyed being poly.  A baby fits in nowhere in this picture: There is the baby daddy aspect, the abortion potential, and the fear of surviving yet another pregnancy.

When I was younger and bored during the day, I’d watch Maury Povich and chuckle at all the “you are NOT the father!!” exclamations.  Having a late period and having two lovers, well, it isn’t quite so funny anymore.  Currently, I cannot take birth control.  With my last two pregnancies, I had a rare and dangerous condition called cholestasis that affects your liver and makes you itch horribly.

Going back on hormonal birth control just caused this to flare-up, and I was advised to use condoms, a non-hormonal IUD, or get sterilized.  I had every intention of getting sterilized but just haven’t done it yet. My boyfriend Jim had a vasectomy years ago, so when we stopped using condoms (he’s having safe sex elsewhere), I considered that our safety net. I realize now a reversal is possible, albeit rare. My husband, despite his insistence that he’ll get the big V, is intact, and we use…withdrawal.

As earlier articles on Mommyish have discussed, a number of married people end up doing this despite it not being the most effective method of birth control.  Are we stupid? Or lazy? Or delusional? Maybe a little bit of all three.

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