being a mom
Polyamorous Mom: I’ve Missed My Period And I Have Multiple Partners – UPDATED
Note from Eve:
As I discovered below in the comments, Polymom has taken multiple at home pregnancy tests that have shown a negative result. I was unaware this was the case, and was told when she submitted her article that she hadn’t taken a test. She asked me to “cross my fingers” for her, which I did. Had I been fully aware of the entire situation, I would have made her headline her piece “I’m Poly And I May Or May Not Be Pregnant” or something, and in the conclusion of her article mention that she had taken tests at home. Polymom is writing an addendum which I will include when I receive it. For those of you who felt mislead by the article, to be honest I am right there with you. At the end of the day, its my job as editor to fully understand the entire situation before I chose to publish something, and I truthfully thought I did. I’m personally sorry for anyone who felt duped by this.Â
And from Polymom:
To Our readers:Â I did not intend to create any confusion, when I wrote this I had taken one negative urine test and then gone and purchased another after submitting.Â Having been pregnant before, I am used to them not turning positive until a week or so after a missed period, so I was still (and still am) having all the same angst and turmoil of wondering if I am pregnant.Â
My head is spinning. My period is four days late, and the tampons at the bottom of my purse are taunting me. Â As someone with fairly regular cycles who wants no more children, Iâ€™m a little freaked out.Â We all freak out at pregnancy scares, but now-a-days I have the added layer of having multiple partners.
As I’ve covered in past articles, I have three kids, a great husband, and a super boyfriend. I like this setup. I like my life. Itâ€™s hectic and a little bit crazy, and scheduling is a bear, but I enjoy every second of it.Â I value the family time of playing games and baking on the weekends, weeknights on the couch watching Doctor Who with the spouse, and date night hangouts out with my boyfriend.Â I think my job is okay; I love freelance writing, and Iâ€™ve greatly enjoyed being poly.Â A baby fits in nowhere in this picture: There is the baby daddy aspect, the abortion potential, and the fear of surviving yet another pregnancy.
When I was younger and bored during the day, Iâ€™d watch Maury Povich and chuckle at all the â€œyou are NOT the father!!â€ exclamations.Â Having a late period and having two lovers, well, it isnâ€™t quite so funny anymore. Â Currently, I cannot take birth control.Â With my last two pregnancies, I had a rare and dangerous condition called cholestasis that affects your liver and makes you itch horribly.
Going back on hormonal birth control just caused this to flare-up, and I was advised to use condoms, a non-hormonal IUD, or get sterilized.Â I had every intention of getting sterilized but just havenâ€™t done it yet. My boyfriend Jim had a vasectomy years ago, so when we stopped using condoms (heâ€™s having safe sex elsewhere), I considered that our safety net. I realize now a reversal is possible, albeit rare. My husband, despite his insistence that heâ€™ll get the big V, is intact, and we useâ€¦withdrawal.
As earlier articles on Mommyish have discussed, a number of married people end up doing this despite it not being the most effective method of birth control.Â Are we stupid? Or lazy? Or delusional? Maybe a little bit of all three.