family and money

Polyamorous Mom: Sex Is Easy, Money Is Hard

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Then, there is my boyfriend Jim.  Jim is married with no children and he and his wife both make higher than average salaries.  They have the ability to take foreign vacations and buy both needs and wants without too much fret.  Where this comes into trouble for Jim and I  is that while he can front pretty much ALL our time together, I can cover very little and feel badly about it.  When we started dating, Jim and his wife were not on a particular budget and he spent money left and right. When I was with Jim there were no money worries.  We went out to eat, and out to shows, and pretty much had a grand old time.  More recently, especially with them both dating, they have created a monthly budget for their own personal expenses.  I feel like the specifics aren’t really my business, but it has affected the way we spent time together.

Jim and I still make plans and do things I couldn’t personally afford, but it’s not easy.  Just as Allan feels he is relying on me, when it comes to my secondary relationship I feel like I am relying on Jim.  It weighs on me a little to have him cover every meal and every movie and our upcoming trip to the city, though he does it humbly. And with a guilty sigh, I miss when we did even more activities and were less restricted.  Even if Jim and I were single people dating, the disparity of our incomes would greatly effect who could contribute what.  He’d still be covering more, because he makes so much more, and I’d still feel badly about it.  I want to suggest we try a new steak restaurant, but in my mind I’m seeing that as asking him for something expensive when really I just want to do something new with him.  Financial conversations are strained and a little awkward when we discuss what we can afford.  Are we staying at the Ritz or the Super 8?  It’s not really up to me, because it’s not my money.

I suppose I am not sure what the compromise is when you’re dating. As a married couple, you view the money as “ours” (at least we do, I know some couples don’t) and can make the decisions together.  But when you’re dating, there is more of a ‘his and hers ‘ and if you can’t have an equal input into financial activities, how do you do it with no guilt, resentment, or discord?  My spouse and I can battle out our budget together, my boyfriend and I? I’m just not sure how the dating world does it but try to enjoy each other and not let the financial woes get in the way.

(Image: getty)

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