Polyamorous Mom: I Broke Up With My Boyfriend For My Family
When I wrote my first anonymous piece about polyamory, I was in a state of crisis. My new relationship was taking up most of my time: I was neglecting work and family. My husband was accepting of the lifestyle change but skeptical of the way I was going about it. He didnâ€™t trust my boyfriend. He thought he was manipulative.
Somewhere along the way, my boyfriend and I became disconnected. He needed time to process, and I gave it to him. But after several days my frustration the feeling of being in the dark became too much to bear, so I texted him. I pressed the subject.
He assured me I did nothing to upset him, he just recognized that my having a child and his devotion to work and would make it too hard for him to manage a relationship. He stated he wanted to still hang out in public as friends, but being around my toddler made him too uncomfortableâ€”and he could sense my discomfort around his dog, too (I have nothing against dogs in general, but his dog is extremely loud and boisterous).
Even though I understood, I responded defensively, accusing him of using his â€œtime to thinkâ€ as a way to manipulate me. He didnâ€™t offer an apology, or ask why I felt that way, or respond in any way that I thought a normal human being would. He kind of brushed it off, and suddenly I questioned whether he could have empathy for someone at all.
This all happened shortly before our family vacation. My husband, son and I drove in the rain to our lakeside destination, jamming to the Macklemore CD weâ€™d just purchased. He fell asleep in the back seat, I held hands with my husband. On the surface, things seemed smooth. In my mind, I was still reeling from my pseudo-breakup.
When I was ready, my husband was willing to talk about it with me. He never once veered into the land of â€œI told you soâ€™s.â€ He still believes Iâ€™m polyamorous, and I do too. He may be as well, but heâ€™s not ready to explore that for himself yet.
The next day, as the sun came out, I busied myself. We walked, swam, talked to people. I played board games with my husband. I read a book by one of my favorite writers that night. I felt calm.
But when we got home, I opened the floodgates again by initiating a casual conversation with the boyfriend via text. Iâ€™ll admit, I was trying to see if he would act like nothing happened, or if he would question why I was contacting him at all. He responded casually and happily. I wasnâ€™t sure what to make of that.