PETA Warns Mamas Who Enter A Wing Eating Contest May Have Sons With Small Junk

Oh dear. It seems our friends at People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals are taking huge issue with the National Buffalo Wing Festival that takes place in New York this weekend. The sent out a press release to Drew Cerza, founder of the festival: 

You may remember hearing from us a few years back, when we requested that you cancel the wing-eating competitions at the National Buffalo Wing Festival because of the cruelty inherent in poultry production. I’m reaching out again to ask you at least to take steps to ensure the safety of pregnant women by barring them from taking part in your contests. As I will explain, consuming poultry while pregnant may lead to birth defects in utero, including smaller-than-average penises for newborn boys. I think we can agree that embarrassment and insecurity are no small matters.

Findings published by the Study for Future Families showed that eating poultry during pregnancy may lead to smaller penis size in male infants. Looking at dairy products, eggs, fish, fruit, bird meat, potatoes, tomatoes, vegetables, and red meat, researchers found the most significant link between chicken consumption and decreased penis size because of a chemical compound found in the meat. Furthermore, evidence indicates that heterosexual women’s sexual satisfaction depends in part on their partner’s penis size.

I think we can all agree that factory farming sucks, and no one wants to think about how animals are slaughtered before they come to our tables. We can’t even really discuss ethical farming here or free range options because I think the majority, if not all, of PETA members are vegetarians. Which is fine! But what I do take issue with is the whole “sexual satisfaction depends in part on their partner’s penis size” because it’s not true, and it’s not that fantastic of a reason not to consume poultry while pregnant.Do it for the love of animals, do it because you don’t wanna eat chicken wings, but not because you are worried your unborn son won’t have a big cock from you eating…cocks. Or chickens, whatever.

(Image: Wikipedia commons)