Parents Are Going Full Crazy And Crowd-Funding Their Kids’ Birthday Parties”

birthday party

In yet another sign of the End of Days, we now have parents crowd-funding their kids’ birthday parties. Yes, you read that right. I didn’t think birthday party insanity could get much worse than sending an invoice for a no-show kid, but I should have known better. Using the same tactics as those raising funds for a family who lost their home to fire or a child with end-stage leukemia, crazy parents hope to raise enough money for an extra-incredible, super-memorable party for their Special Snowflake. You guys might want to prepare for your eyes to roll all the way into the back of your head. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

From ABC News:

Depending on who you ask, it’s either the smartest way to throw a birthday party on a budget or it’s the worst possible representation of keeping up with the Joneses.

Either way, it’s a real thing: Parents are using crowd funding to pay for kids’ birthday parties.

One such fundraiser on GoFundMe reads: “My pumpkins 2nd birthday is coming around faster than i could ever imagine. I managed to throw an amazing 1st birthday for [name omitted] and would like to follow through with an amazing 2nd birthday for my blue eyed princess!!. . due to a series of unfourtunate [sic] events in our lives recently money is tight. . every dollar helps!! thank you in advance for any donations made <3”

Well ABC News, I fall into a category you did not include and that would be “Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ, are you kidding me?!” I am positively stunned that this is a thing. Honey, your “blue-eyed princess” has no fucking idea what’s going on at the ripe age of two. If money is tight, I think her toddler standards will be completely met by a cupcake with a candle stuck in it and a couple of balloons. I can’t even imagine the thought process that leads to a parent deciding to request DONATIONS for a toddler birthday party. If you can’t afford a big shebang, how about this-don’t have one!

When I was a kid, we had a pizza and a cake my mom made. She bought a few two-liters of orange soda, some chips, a couple of party hats, some balloons and called it a day. Back in the early 90’s, this probably ran her a total of $50. Now, it might be closer to $75 or $100, but still, not too bad. Children should not expect any more than this. In fact, I can remember not even getting a “friend” party every single year. My mom would alternate and mostly let us have parties for bigger birthdays, like double-digits or turning 13. And we were totally fine with it. We have gotten to a scary place as a society with over-indulging children to the point where we’ve lost sight of the fact that we don’t have to have a party at all, let alone a very expensive one.

The article goes on to state that this isn’t just a flash-in-the-pan. The idea is rapidly gaining traction among lunatic parents:

The number of birthday-related campaigns within the “Celebrations & Special Events” category on GoFundMe has “skyrocketed,” according to a site official. Since the company launch in 2010, nearly $1 million has been raised for birthday celebrations from more than 20,000 donors. There was a 330 percent increase in donation volume for birthday campaigns between 2013 and 2014.

”Social media has an influence,” said Michals. “Some moms see photos of their friends giving their children amazing birthdays and holidays and just want that for their own child. While it’s not a sure thing that donations will come rolling in, moms feel that it can’t hurt to try. There is also some sense of what goes around, comes around. … If you give to my child’s birthday party, I’ll give back to yours.”

Or how about we just not have insanely expensive birthday parties for kids? You pay for yours, I pay for mine. And I’m sure it is hard to see photos of elaborate birthday parties that your Facebook friends throw for their kids if you cannot afford to do the same but that is just life. Accept it. Or, budget differently or borrow money from the grand-parents, I really don’t care. Just don’t crowd-fund. Some people might feed your delusion that your kid’s party is a cause worthy of funding, but most will think you are out of your mind. Rightly so.

(Image: Pressmaster/Shutterstock)

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