Childrearing

I Will Always Be Affectionate With My Fianc̩ РEven If Our Kids Are In The Room

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466080657I’ve been lucky enough in my relationships to have men who show me physical affection at home WHILE in front of children. Once, a long time ago, the father of my daughter, when we were still together, walked into our friend’s house, where we had been invited for dinner with our then toddler, and my former fiancé gave me a kiss as soon as he walked in the room and saw me. The wife of another couple, with a child, said to her husband, “See? Why don’t you ever come in and kiss me?”

Now, with my now fiancé, the father of our son, it’s not uncommon for me to be sitting on his lap, with all of our kids watching television with us, or for us to kiss each other if we walk by one another in the kitchen, even when the children are doing their homework at the table. We always kiss ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ in front of our children, and we constantly hug at home.

You’d think that with a ten-year-old, 12 year-old and 14 year-old, we’d get a lot of, “Gross!” Or even some sassiness, like, “Take it to the bedroom.” Nope. Our children have never said these words to us. Thank God. If we’re in mid-hug, we might get from one of our girls, “Can you please move? I need to grab a spoon.”

I think it is super important for parents to show affection to each other, especially in front of their kids. I’m not talking full on make-out and humping, but hugs, kisses, sitting on laps, friendly pats on the butt, and saying, “I love you,” to each other, as parents, is something our kids need to see.

I grew up in a house where I never saw my parents’ hug or kiss. I was shocked when I was at my parent’s house once, years after I had moved out, to see a note my mother had left for my father. It read something like, “I went grocery shopping.” But at the end of that note was a little heart. I was shocked because I had no idea that my mother did these sort of lovey-dovey things for my Dad, when I was or wasn’t around, considering in front of my brothers and I, we had never even heard them say ‘I love you’ to each other.

So you would think my “normal” now would be a house where affection, in front of children, wasn’t abundantly clear. But it isn’t. Not only because it’s a different generation now, where parents are much more mushy in front of their kids, but because I want my children to see it. I never say to my fiancé, when he wants to kiss me, “Not in front of the c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n,” not only because they are old enough to spell, but also because I just don’t give a damn if they see we actually LIKE each other, because we do!

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