Facebook Is A Highlight Reel Of Our Lives, We’re All A Bunch Of Liars

The “fake Facebook life” – we all have one. Not to say that we are all blatantly lying when we post status updates, but of course it’s a highlight reel of our lives, right? People post how much they love their children and how great their new kitchen looks and news feeds are generally filled with achievements and love. I’m okay with this. I don’t mind the fake Facebook life; if I posted what was really going on, I would surely kill all of my friends with boredom.

9:00 a.m.

Reality: I just burnt the end of my son’s piece of toast, so I’ll have to cut that part off before I give it to him.

Fake Facebook Status: My child’s already a foodie! That’s what you get when you feed a toddler Balthazar croissants for breakfast!

11:00 a.m.

Reality: My kid has discovered the word “why” and I’m wondering if I can find a doctor to give me a prescription for Xanax.

Fake Facebook Status: My son is so curious! He cracks me up all day long.

2:00 p.m.

Reality:  I can’t get this child down for a nap to save my life – and now he’s throwing shit everywhere.

Fake Facebook Status: Photo included -My baby’s growing up so fast – he doesn’t even need naps anymore! Look at our new game – it’s called “End-of-days toy storm.”

5:00 p.m.

Reality: My husband just referred to looking after his own children as “babysitting” again. I may kill him. My son hid a banana under a pillow on the couch and I just sat on it. They are both annoying the hell out of me.

Fake Facebook Status: My son keeps me on my toes all day – just like his dad!

9:00 p.m

Reality: Please, for the love of god and all things holy let this child go to bed soon so I can pour myself a giant glass of wine and watch Scandal.

Fake Facebook Status – Love the end of the day! (Photo of sunset or some bullshit.)

(photo: meme generator)