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Mommyish’s Guide To The Best Wines To Go With Your Toddler’s Meltdowns

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You’ve heard the joke about moms and wine, right? Yeah, supposedly we drink a lot of it. Supposedly. I plead the fifth, but I will admit there are some situations for which wine is sort of, you know, necessary? Important? A requirement? Yeah, that.

Let’s be honest: this parenting gig is difficult. We’re supposed to cherish the moments we have with our kids, and we do, but in between those moments real life is happening, and it smells. It pooped its pants. It wants a snack. It’s mysteriously wet yet covered in stickers. Coping with real life sometimes requires an outlet, and sometimes that outlet is adult fruit juice. There’s no shame in that. We get by with a little help from our friends – both red and white – and as with people, certain friends are better suited to certain situations. It’s with that in mind that I present to you a definitive guide to wine pairings for parenting. Pair-enting, if you will. See what I did there? Good. Let’s begin:

Pinot Grigio

Pairs well with: potty training / your pride




When your toddler calls you from the bathroom and you’ve walked in to find an excrement soaked floor where they missed the toilet and a tiny butt in your face that has assumed the “wipe my a**” position, it’s time to call in reinforcements. You used to be sort of cool. You used to sort of have dignity. Those days are dead. I know, I know: it’s tough to swallow. That’s why you need to wash that jagged little pill down with something light and crisp to take the edge off. Glass optional.


Pairs well with: dinner time

Betty White wine


Dinner time is pretty dark, but it’s not the darkest the day is going to get. There are worse things, like bed time, and we’ll get to that. Still, there are peas mashed into the floor, your toddler is screaming for chocolate, someone just spilled apple juice all over their plate, and you haven’t gotten to eat a bite yet because of course you haven’t. Merlot has just enough spice to put the pep back in your step and just enough floral sweetness to lull you into the deluded sense that the hard part is over. Drink it leaning up against the kitchen counter while eating cold food with a baby fork.

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