8 Times In Parenting Where You Will Feel Clueless

Parenthood. So many decisions to make and chances to screw up your kid. There are also endless schools of thought on pretty much every single thing having to do with your child. With the internet involved, you could find information to contradict every choice you make so basically, it’s all one confusing cluster. I know I have felt clueless about a million times in my seven years of motherhood and the below is just a sampling of things that made me scratch my head:

1. Umbilical Cord Hell

Is it supposed to pus? Is it supposed to bleed? Is it normal to hang on for a month? Will my baby’s belly button FALL RIGHT OUT?

2. Making A Bottle

How many ounces do we start with? How much SHOULD they be drinking at this weight? Can you use the leftovers for a while afterward or do you need to start over? Playtex drop-ins? Dr. Browns? WTF do we do????

3. Clothes Shopping

As Aimee discussed recently, this can be so confusing. 6-12 months? Six month? Twelve month? What’s the difference and how do I know what will fit over their little diaper bubble butt?

4. Feeding Solids

Some say start with cereal. Some say screw cereal, mash up a banana and an avocado. Some say they can have Cheerios as soon as they can pick them up and then others will tell you they can choke to death, wait until they are a year old. Can’t they just drink formula until age 10?

5. Potty Training

Are they ready because they can take off their diaper? Should they be able to totally verbalize it first? Will I traumatize them if I make them try now? It should at least happen before kindergarten, right?

6. Car Seat Selection

So, they weigh enough to forward face but I’m not supposed to do that until they are two? Didn’t it used to be one? Can I use a booster seat once they are able to read and write? Should I just give up and strap them to the fucking roof?

7. Choosing A Pre-School

Who knew this one mattered so much? Finger painting and circle time are apparently stepping stones to the Ivy League. Whatever- between us, I picked the one that cost the least but kept my daughter for the most hours because, only one kid for half a day three times a week for the win.

8. Whether To Call The Doctor