10 Parenting Inventions Someone Needs To Make Already
Babies are adorable but good lord are they high maintenance. Half of the reason I don’t want another one is because when I start to think about all of the stuff they need, and how all that stuff needs to be cleaned. And then there’s the issue of all that poo and crying and throwing up and never sleeping. Life would be a lot easier if we could stop inventing stuff like shutter shades, Daddles, and Snuggies and started inventing some of the stuff on this list.
1. Self-cleaning bottles
It doesn’t matter if you breast or bottle feed, anything that’s sat in a bottle all day smells like straight up farts.
2. Self-cleaning highchair
Or at least make a highchair with fewer nooks and crannies and a cover like teflon so that stuff doesn’t get all jammed in there.
3. Self-cleaning diapers
Useful if you cloth diaper.
4. Self-cleaning crib
Like one of those self-cleaning litter boxes. Great for blowouts.
5. Self-cleaning carseat.
See #2. You’ll be able to stop asking stuff like, “when the fuck did my kid eat patÃ©?”
6. Some kind of wireless magical breast pump so you don’t have to stay tethered to the milking station.
Sweet, sweet freedom. This would also be useful if it cleaned itself. Everything should just clean itself.
Except with less potential to kill a horse.
8. Some kind of rotating organizer for all of those dumb swings, chairs, and activity walkers you bought.
9. An infant-to-toddler hamster ball, for safe exploration.
I will take an adult sized on too, please.
10. Some sort of baby pokÃ¨dex, for easy care tips and also baby battles.
Baby, the unevolved form of toddler. Water type.