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10 Reasons Parenting A Toddler Will Drive You To Drink

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I am admittedly a bit removed from the life of parenting a toddler (although, school age kids can still BRING IT when it comes to parental torture) but I remember it all so vividly. The irrational fits, the picky eating, the bedtime bullshit, the messes– it is not for the faint of heart, that’s for certain. Fortunately, I work in an industry that provides me with free alcohol on occasion and it worked out beautifully that I started there when my kids were three and 18 months. For those of us who consume alcohol, it is never more welcome (and arguably, more necessary) than when you are the parent of a toddler. Here are 10 reasons parenting a toddler will drive you to drink:

1. They Put Objects In The Toilet

My son loved to drown his Little People figurines. One time, he did it after his 3-year old sister had done a stealth poop and neglected to flush. Yup.

2. They Do Not Want To Share Their Chicken Nuggets

I knew my toddlers would never finish their chicken nuggets when we went out to eat and that I would end up eating them. All I wanted was to eat them before they were stone-cold and covered in slobber but they would yelp at me whenever I asked them to share. I’m not paying for them or anything, no worries.

3. Sleep Is Optional For Them

You might be ready to pass out standing up but your toddler has the fortitude of a prisoner of war and will outlast you every.damn.time.

4. They Love Touching Poop

Never leave them in their crib after you hear them wake up over the monitor. It’s for the best, trust me.

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