World’s Most Clueless Parent Tries To Buy ‘Cool Black Kid’ Friends On Craigslist For Bullied Son

cool black friendsIf your kid is bullied, have you tried posting on Craigslist to find him some ‘cool black kid’ friends? Today in ‘please let this be ill-advised satire’ news, there’s a clueless New Orleans parent who placed an ad on behalf of his poor beleaguered son, who I’m sure will not be in for an even worse time once his classmates find out that his parents tried to buy him friends on Craigslist.

You know, I live in Wisconsin, where clueless racism is sort of part of the background radiation, but I’m still taken aback by this ad:

cool black kids craigslist adIt was nice of the parent to specify cool black kids in particular, since that implies he at least realizes that not all black teens are the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air; but he does seem to think that any black kids would be able to prevent his kid from being bullied merely by virtue of their skin color, as if being black automatically means you are tough, if not outright intimidating. Although depending on if the kid’s bullying classmates are as clueless as the parent who wrote the ad, I guess maybe a Magical Force Field of Scary Blackness might actually do the trick. Or maybe this is a different flavor of stereotyping, one where the parent thinks if the cool black kids on his payroll can show up, befriend his son, and then amaze the classmates by teaching everyone to rap and breakdance in the school parking lot? Either way, yuck.

May I make a suggestion? Dear fellow parents: if your child is being bullied, maybe talk to him, and his school’s authority figures, about things that would help? Because I’m 9000% sure that “go behind my back to hire me some cool friends, also make sure to stereotype them and please do it on the Internet where someone everyone is going to end up seeing it” is not going to be on the wish list of any child, ever. I would venture out on a limb to say that, perhaps, not being a racist hemorrhoid stain on the underpants of humanity would be a good start if you’re looking for ways to do right by your child. I’m not sure whether I hope this kid finds out what his folks are up to so he can yell at them for it, or if I hope he lives on in blissful ignorance, with or without some parent-payrolled BFFs. Poor guy.

I appreciate that this parent wants to help his child, and it’s also a nice touch that he is willing to pay well above the minimum wage to the preteen pseudo-friends he wants to employ. But I still think his money would be better invested in a book about microaggressions, or an online course on benevolent racism, or maybe just a seminar on how not to be a douchebag. I think his son, and all of the cool black kids that his son goes to school with, would appreciate that.

(Image: Martin Allinger/Shutterstock)

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