Lingering Questions Parents Have About Green Eggs And Ham

When a lot of us think about kids’ books, one of the first names that comes to mind is Dr. Seuss. Seuss is responsible for a number of charming, eccentric favorites in our book collection, but charming and eccentric also means weird as all hell. Green Eggs And Ham, the go-to “try it because you might like it” example for parents of picky eaters, is arguably among the stranger stories in the Seuss collective. Sure, you could ignore some of the weirder aspects of the book, but where’s the fun in that? Here are some lingering questions most of us have about Green Eggs And Ham:

1. Why are the eggs and ham green?

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Is it toxic mold? Did a Pinterest mom dye them that way for a holiday? If there’s no real explanation and Seuss just decided to go with a random color, why not blue? They could’ve been red eggs. Or black eggs. Or orange eggs. While we’re at it, why even go with eggs and ham? How about purple lasagna and garlic bread? Garlic bread is delicious.

2. Does Sam have some sort of condition that makes him forget he already introduced himself?

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I am Sam. I am Sam. Sam-I-am. I am Sam. We get it, Sam. Now, what are you doing in my house and why are you riding a tiger? Explain yourself.

3. Does it really make a difference if they’re here or there?

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I mean, those pretty much look gross anywhere. I know you’re trying to appeal to extremely picky children, but even they are smart enough to know changing locations won’t make the food more appetizing. Maybe ask if he wants them with ketchup. Kids love that shit.

4. Why would you do anything in a box with a fox?

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That sounds like a good way to get attacked by a fox, though once you’re finished with that, I’d love to know if you found out what the fox says.

5. Sunny side up eggs in a car? Really?

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This is why we can’t have nice things.

6. Why does it take Sam so long to come up with a compromise?

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53 pages of this nonsense before he loosens up on the crazy and acknowledges his nameless victim’s apprehension. Was that really necessary? Some of us are trying to get our kids to bed so we can go eat candy and watch Scandal.

7. Why doesn’t the other character have a name?

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Maybe his name is Sam too. Or maybe he’s just nameless so we don’t reach into the book, grab him, and shake him for putting us through all of this. You could’ve eaten the eggs 60 pages ago, you selfish jerk.

(Photo: Julie Clopper / Shutterstock.com)

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