An Open Love Letter To Diaper Wipes
Dear Diaper Wipes,
You had me at Sensitive, but I really didn’t know how much I would grow to depend on you. No one talks about just how many tasks you perform. Since everyone and their mother has taken to writing open letters to everyone they come into contact with, ever – I figured why reserve them for living, breathing, entities? You deserve some appreciation, too. Since you aren’t blessed with the gift of hearing and speech like every other person who “receives” these Internet letters and actually talking to you is pointless – I figured, why not? Why not let the world know about my devotion? My dedication? To diaper wipes.
See, no one ever told me about all of your functionality. I am assuming this is because if anyone ever really admitted to all the things they used you for, they would be called a disgusting pig and everyone would wonder why they don’t have sponges, towels, and windex stocked with some regularity in their homes. These people are simpletons. Ignore them.
The first time I used you to give my infant a quick bath before my mother came over, my heart almost overflowed. She was sparkling she was so clean – hence enabling my ability to hide what a crap multi-tasker I am. After I gave her a once-over – I quickly jetted off to the kitchen where I wiped my counters and the surface of my microwave! You do everything. My entire house is cloaked in the secrecy of what your perfectly dampened sheets provide – a quick clean-up of any surface. Any time. At a moment’s notice.
Before that play date I dread, I use you on the surface of my dashboard unless that perfect mom who drives a BMV SUV decides to glance into my car on the way to the playground. She will not see the Cheerios dust, apple juice and other random crap that sticks to every surface of my car. You are my savior.
I quickly rub you over my toddler’s feet before my mother-in-law comes over so she can’t tell that I didn’t mop this week. It works like a charm. Who needs Pledge? Who needs Armour All? Who needs soap? I have you. You who does everything thanklessly. What would I do without you?
Guests may wonder why everything I own reeks of the scent of baby powder – so it would be great if they could start making you in “new car smell” or maybe something that smells like furniture polish – but I won’t complain.
You are appreciated. You are loved. You are everything.
Your Biggest Fan